So here’s the highlights…
- I’ve been diagnosed with both Bipolar Disorder II and Borderline Personality Disorder
- I’m on my third husband
- This time I have a small step-daughter
- I’m very well educated
- I work full time as a kind of teacher
- My dad is in the hospital dying of cancer
I don’t sleep right anymore, I don’t eat right, and just about everything has a way of pissing me off. I’m medicated and that seems to help, but some days I really wish I could crawl back under the covers and hide. Today is one of those days.
My husband, Josh, is frequently the source of my irritation. He’s a (sort of) recovering alcoholic and he’s also a little mental. Like most men, he’s pretty self-centered. He is completely oblivious. I’m the main source of income for our “family” and he doesn’t seem to really appreciate anything I do for him. We’re broke right now and he expects me to just magically fix it.
His favorite thing to say to me seems to be “don’t worry, everything will be ok.” I’m really pretty sick of hearing this. Particularly right now. Everything is NOT ok and I don’t imagine it will be any time soon.
My moods seem to be going all over the place lately. I’m not sure if this is actually rapid cycling – which I’m notorious for – or if it’s something else. It seems like lately it takes very little to piss me off or make me sad and only a little more than that to bring me back up. Then again, maybe this is what would be considered normal. It’s been so long since I’ve had normal emotions I honestly couldn’t tell you anymore. By my best reckoning, I’ve been struggling with my illnesses since about the time I hit puberty. I’m really rather ready for a break, thank you very much.