The cold still lingers. Very poor sleep last night because of it. And also because of Josh. After I laid down in bed he completely left me alone the rest of the night. No goodnight kiss or anything. He was too fucking busy watching stuff on Netflix on his fucking nook. I’m really sorry I ever let him buy that damn thing.
Because of the lithium I take for the bipolar I’m really limited in what else I can take. When it comes to colds I’m pretty well fucked. I can do the old home remedies like chicken noodle soup and hot tea with honey, but that’s about it. I basically just have to suffer through this shit. Fortunately I don’t get sick very often. The last time I had something like this was well over a year ago. I guess I shouldn’t bitch too much.
I really wish I knew what to do about Josh. We spend some time together when I get home from work before we have dinner, and that’s awesome. But it seems like as soon as the kitchen is cleaned up and we settle down to relax for the evening he completely ignores me. And it’s not like this is an isolated incident – it happens pretty much every night. Some days I really think he’d be happier if we went back to living separate. That way he could send me home after I made his dinner and he could spend the rest of the night watching bad tv on the sofa.
I’m really feeling overwhelmed again. Two weeks ago I was scrounging for work and now I’ve got more things than I can possibly get done in the rest of the week. I like being busy, don’t get me wrong. I just kind of feel like I’m not sure where to begin now and it’s frustrating me. My whiteboard just keeps filling with more things and I don’t seem to be accomplishing as much as I feel like I should.
My dad is still fighting dying. His kidneys have pretty well shut down and they’re having to put him on a paid med pump to control his pain. It really shouldn’t have taken this long but for some reason he just won’t go. My mom is exhausted. I wish there was more I could do to help.
My mood is particularly shitty today. I’m really tired from being sick, I’m stressed to the max, and Josh really isn’t doing much to make me feel better. I’m starting to wonder again if maybe I wouldn’t be better off without him.