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I ended up talking to him yesterday afterall and I guess things are alright again.  He agreed that he won’t hide the drinking from me and I agreed to start paying the bills on time.  Seemed like a fair deal to me.

Today I’m trying to start fresh.  I’m doing things to try to keep myself in a good mood and actually get things done.  I brought my knitting to work with me so perhaps I can make some progress at lunch.  I also managed to find an extra power cord for my phone so that I don’t have to worry about the battery fizzling out in the afternoon.  And I had a few dollars in my purse this morning so I stopped and got a mocha.  Here’s hoping that all helps.

I’m loving my new phone.  It does everything I need it to, lots of things I don’t need but enjoy, and it keeps a charge for almost two full days.  The only reason the battery gave out on me the other day is because I was using it way more than usual.  I figure since I’ve brought the cord to work I won’t ever need it.  Ain’t that the way it always goes.

My mood has been doing some interesting things the last few days.  I think mostly I’ve been depressed.  I haven’t been wanting to get up in the mornings and my appetite has almost disappeared.  The only thing I’ve really been able to keep up with is my appearance.  I know that if I can present a “normal” facade to the world that I am more likely to feel the normal.  Sounds stupid perhaps, but it seems to help me.

I’ve got an appointment with the psych doc next month and I’m considering asking for a change in my cocktail.  The Geodon doesn’t always work as intended and I’m getting a little frustrated with it.  Some days it works fine, some days not at all, and some days it works all too well.  I need something a little more reliable.  I wish I could remember some of the things I’ve tried in the past, but the only ones that come to mind are Seroquel and Zyprexa and I’d really rather not go back to either of those.  There’s no way in hell I’d be able to lose weight on either of them.  I really just don’t know what my options are at this point and that’s frustrating.

I have to tell you kids that I’ve found this awesome thing and I just have to share it with you.  It’s a website called Reddit.  The address is http://www.reddit.com.  They have communities for EVERYTHING, including Bipolar and Borderline.  There’s also communities for just about any interest.  Lately I’ve been cruising the crochet and knitting areas.  Anyway, it’s awesome.  I realize that I’m probably not telling you anything you didn’t already know because I am not one of the cool kids and hence am always the very last to find out about the good stuff, but seriously, go check it out.  It’s AWESOME.