Tags

, , , ,

I think I’m about to go manic.  It’s just a suspicion, but it’s there.  I’m starting to get the grandiose ideas about doing ALL the things, tonight.  I’ve got a million ideas in my head and no means to do much of anything with them.

I’m also afraid the mouth might get out of control tonight and I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT WITH HIM AGAIN.

We are slaves to our routines, Josh and I.  We have our entire afternoon/evening planned out before either of us ever leaves work.  And it’s always the same.  He goes home, shits, eats a snack, and then gets naked and plays with his nook in bed until I get home.  I come home, drop my things in the appropriate places, get naked, and join him in bed.  We talk and snuggle for 30 – 45 minutes, then have lukewarm sex.  After that it’s time for a shower and dinner preparation.

The same thing, EVERY FUCKING DAY.

I don’t want that today, I really don’t.  I have things I want to do.  Things I need to do.  But if I try to deviate from the routine he gets frightened and we fight.

I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT WITH HIM AGAIN.

I need to find some way to convey to him that there are times when our routine is awesome and very comforting.  But there are other times when the routine is stifling and it just fucking kills me. HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DO I DO THIS???

I’m already getting pissy about having the brat this weekend.  I’m trying to find excuses to not be home, to go do something, to be anywhere but stuck inside those four fucking walls with him and that brat spawn of his.  I’m not cut out for this shit, seriously.

Praise jesus and pass the prozac…  it’s gonna be a long night.