I know I’ve mentioned before that because of Josh drinking when he said he wouldn’t that I just don’t trust him anymore. I really don’t. If it’s so easy for him to lie to me about the drinking I can only assume that it’s easy for him to lie about everything else.
So, there’s a new girl at his job. He’s been talking about her almost non-stop since she started. Today I flat out confronted him and asked if he thinks she’d make good sandwiches – that seems to have been one of my primary selling points. He said no, he thinks she’s a lesbian, and besides I’m his “main squeeze.” What the fuck does that even mean? I’m the best, but there are others??? I don’t get it. So I replied in some kind of non-committal way and he’s getting all defensive – what, you don’t believe me? HELL NO I don’t believe you.
So now I’ve had to just tell him that I’m having a rough day and it’s probably just that my fucking brain feels completely broken. But I really don’t trust him. He’s lied to me about women before. When we were first dating he actually left me asleep in his apartment and went to have sex with another woman. I didn’t find out about until several weeks later and I tried to break things off with him because of it. But of course he sweet talked me and I stayed.
About a month after we officially became a couple I caught him talking to this same woman in a very suggestive way. I flipped. Again, almost broke things off but I was an idiot and stayed. As best I can tell nothing like that has happened since, but I have no real way of knowing. I have been known to occasionally check the text history on his phone, but I’m pretty sure he knows I do that so there’s no way of knowing if he’s just doing it at work and then deleting the messages when he gets home.
So I’m all worked up, again, and I don’t know what to do about it. I should have just walked out on him when I found out about the indiscretion when we were dating.