The streak of nice came to an abrupt end Sunday afternoon. We had sex and then he wanted nothing more to do with me. I tried talking to him and all I got was grunts. Yesterday morning he woke up and decided he didn’t feel like going to work so he called in. I asked him if he’d be keeping me company during the day and he said no, he intended to sleep all day. He then proceeded to tell me to get the fuck out of the house and leave him alone.
Cue the nastiest panic attack I’ve had in years.
I tried doing the usual stuff to work through it but nothing helped. After a few hours I surrendered and went to the ER. My blood pressure was through the roof. I texted him pretty well the entire time I was there and he refused to answer. When I finally got home he yelled at me.
I tried kicking him out, I swear I did. He didn’t beg or anything, hell, he didn’t even get nice. I just decided it wasn’t worth the effort I guess. We made up, sort of, and the rest of the night was more quiet. This morning I’m being mean to him. I’ve had enough of this shit.
The only really good thing to happen Sunday was my kitty came home. Not sure where she was, but she jumped in through a window and is very lovey right now. I missed her terribly.
I’m not sure what to do right now. I was on the phone when Josh had his first break so I couldn’t really talk. He asked me if I want him to call at lunch and I told him I don’t care. Now he’s ignoring me. So fucking sick of this shit.
Fortunately the ER doc gave me some Xanax in case the panic attack comes back. I’ve got it in my purse just in case. I just wish he’d realize how much his words hurt me. And I also wish I knew of some way to hurt him like he hurts me. Seems like nothing I ever do phases him. Right now I want him to hurt every bit as bad as I do. I’m just not sure I have it in me to be that mean to him.
The mood is doing very unpleasant things. I was pretty happy most of the weekend, until Sunday afternoon. Now I feel like the goodness has all faded and I’m left with nothing but ick. I do get to teach this afternoon so maybe that will help, I just don’t know right now.
I’ve got way too much stress right now and I’m not sure what to do with it. Work is slowly getting better, but shit at home seems to be getting exponentially worse. What the FUCK?!
I am looking forward to Friday. I’ve invited Gemma and her husband, Jeremy, and my friend Fran over for a cook out. I got some steaks and baking potatoes at the store yesterday. We’re going to do dinner up right. And it sounds like Fran is going to stay the night. Should be interesting.
I am not looking forward to the rest of the weekend. We have the brat, but for a short visit since Sunday is Mother’s Day. I’m pretty sure Josh is pissed about having to take her home early that day, but I’m not. I figure the less time with her the better, especially since I’m going to be stuck with her for a whole week when we go on vacation.
I am so not looking forward to this trip. Josh hasn’t been on a plane in more than 20 years and has no idea what it’s like to navigate airports. I’m not sure how many times the brat has flown. Flying is not my favorite way to travel anyway, and having to babysit two kids while doing it will just frustrate me to no end I’m sure. I’m going to try to save the Xanax for the trip, just in case.