I’m stressed. No, STRESSED. There’s far too much going on right now and not enough of me to go around.
I snapped at Josh this morning because I was just plain tired. I didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to have to deal with his bullshit, but he just kept pushing. I finally let him have it and then of course had to apologize. I told him about being stressed. When he finally got around to asking me what I was stressed about I told him about my performance evaluation coming up next week, that I’m worried about the trip, and that I’m worried that he’s started drinking more.
He told me there’s no sense in worrying about the performance eval, it’s nothing I can change now. He told me that the trip is already a done deal, no sense in worrying about that, it’s too late to change our plans now. And he told me that there’s absolutely no sense in worrying about his drinking because all that does is make things worse for the both of us.
I pointed out to him that it is not indeed too late to do anything about the trip, and by the way I’m not going. I also told him that I’ll stop worrying about the drinking when there is no more drinking to worry about. He’s always doing just exactly what he wants to do, why shouldn’t I?
So now there’s a pissing match going on about the fucking trip. I absolutely do not want to go. This trip is for the brat, let him take her and be miserable. No need to involve me in it. Except for whatever reason he’s insisting that I go. I’m guessing because the plan is to stay with my uncle and, even with as big a mooch as he is, he wouldn’t be comfortable staying there without me. So fine, take some of the spending money and get a hotel – problem solved. But, but, we’re a FAMILY, we should all go, TOGETHER! Bullshit. She ain’t my family and if this shit keeps up, he won’t be for much longer either. But, but, I LOVE YOU! Again, BULLSHIT. Just because you say you love someone doesn’t mean you can actually back it up with actions. And let me tell you, that man’s actions speak way louder than the words he utters.
And of course y’all know by now that I will completely cave and go on the mother fucking trip because I am THAT doormat.