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When Josh and I started dating he weighed 205lbs.  He was fairly slender with just a bit of a belly on him.  At that point he hardly ate, smoked like a damn chimney, and drank beer every night.  He also worked a driving job and was out in the heat for nearly 12 hours a day.  When we moved in with my mom he started eating better.  Then he stopped drinking every night.  And now the pounds are just packing on.  At last check he was up to 255lbs.  That’s a 50lb gain in just over a year.

He always bitches about his back bothering him.  I finally suggested to him last night that perhaps it’s because of all the weight he’s carrying in front.  He looks 10 months pregnant and his belly button has gone almost flat.  It’s really kind of disgusting.  And in true dude fashion, all of this extra weight is in his belly.

I’m fat, don’t let me try to tell you I’m not.  Last time I weighed myself I checked in at 265lbs, and I’m a good 6″ shorter than he is.  The difference is that this is the same size I’ve been since I was about 20 years old and I carry my weight all over my body.  I look big, but I look proportional.  I’d definitely like to lose some weight, it’s just hard with him constantly eating in front of me.

My biggest problem with Josh being as big as he is is that I’m not finding him attractive anymore, particularly when he’s naked.  When we first started going out I wanted to have sex all the time, like every time I saw him.  When we moved in together I wanted it every day, and for a long time we did just that.  Now, I don’t really want it at all anymore.

I don’t want to say something to him about it because I don’t want to hurt his feelings.  My first husband told me once that the reason we hardly ever had sex was because I was fat and that just killed me.  I don’t want to do that to Josh, but I’d really like to go back to wanting sex more often.

I’ve been trying to provide more nutritious food in his lunch so that he doesn’t come home so hungry.  When that happens all he does is eat everything in sight until it’s time for dinner and then he eats some more.  It’s not healthy.  So I’ve been trying to send stuff with him to eat throughout the day so that he never gets too hungry.  Not sure yet if it’s helping, but I hope so.

I want my sexy husband back.

*****

Yesterday turned out to be a decent day.  I didn’t get nearly as much done at work as I’d have liked, but I did enough to keep my boss off my back.  At home I managed to get some more progress made on my tote bag and I got all of the evening chores done.  Josh and I didn’t fight at all, but I was pretty quiet.  I had hoped I’d be in the mood to have sex when I got home but then I got a good look at him naked and it just kind of vanished.  Maybe tonight.

The mood is holding fairly steady.  I seem to be hovering around the up side of neutral most of the time, so that helps.  My sleep was a little better last night, though not as good as it had been last week.  Not sure what’s going on with that, but I hope the good stuff comes back soon.  I need a solid night’s rest, soon.

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