So he got home from work and we continued to fight. I told him I only ever say things about the drinking because it scares me. As usual he told me that he’s fine and I don’t need to worry. So fine, I’m done. No more talking about the drinking. If he wants to drink himself to death, fine by me. I’ve got life insurance on him and I could really use the money.
I also told him that using sex as a weapon is so incredibly not cool. He was doing it just to get a rise out of me, he admitted as much. He figured that would be the one way to get my attention. Oh yeah fucker, you have my attention now. You just ain’t gonna like it. He thinks we’re having sex today to make up – WRONG.
Last night I had a hard time falling asleep again. I had told him I wanted to snuggle for a few minutes and he completely blew me off. I went to bed and figured that was the end of it. I woke up around 11:45 to go to the bathroom and he was using my laptop. That’s never a good sign. I went back to bed without saying anything to him. This morning he was hard to get up again. When he left I was pretty cold to him. I then went downstairs and checked the history on the laptop. He was browsing sites about pancreatitis and pancreatic cancer. Yeah, you’re feeling fine, aren’t you? LYING SONOFABITCH.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. This is well and truly a deal breaker. If he keeps drinking like this I will have no choice but to kick him out. He doesn’t understand that this is as serious as it is. And I don’t know how to explain to him that I’ve reached my limit.
I have no doubt that he’ll drink both nights this weekend. I also have no doubt that I will be stressed out about it. If he’s looking at the sites about getting sick he’s almost certainly getting sick again. I cannot afford to put him in the hospital again, financially or emotionally. I just can’t fucking do it.
My mood is terrible. I’m stressed out and I’m not getting any kind of emotional support from him right now. According to him, this is entirely my problem and I need to just deal with it. DEAL WITH IT. Seriously? I’m not the one completely abusing my body, he is.
It is honestly getting to the point that I don’t love him anymore. I’m tired of dealing with all his bullshit. I try telling him when things are upsetting me and he just blows me off. He does nothing around the house without being asked. When I do ask him to do something he gives me this look like I’ve asked him to cut off one of his testicles. I’m fucking sick of it. And I’m really tired of always being the one to have to deal with his fucking brat daughter. She’s just as bad as he is most of the time and I’ve had it.
Do you hear that Universe???? I’VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!!! I’M DONE!!!!