Wednesday was an unmitigated disaster. I left work early with the idea that if I had a little quite time, maybe my brain would settle down and I’d feel better. I had visions of going home and knitting in my chair, sipping mocha, listening to some quiet music. What happened was the relationship equivalent of a nuclear attack.
Josh and I continued to fight and by the time I got home I was done. I emptied all of his dresser drawers and his closet onto the bed and told him to get the fuck out of my house and my life. Big ass fight ensued. There was much crying, by both of us. Somehow, and I’m still not entirely sure how, we talked through it and got shit straightened out. We put all the clothes away, had makeup sex, and everything has been fine since then.
What the FUCK?
I don’t know, and quite honestly I’m past the point of caring. He’s being good to me, I’m finding it easier to be good to him, so I guess it doesn’t really matter. We’re back to talking nice to each other and doing things together so I guess maybe we just had to get the rotten out of the way so that we could go on to the good. I’m just not going to question it.
Since I didn’t get my time to restore my sanity, and I had to be at that stupid fucking workshop all day yesterday, I’m trying to find ways to get some downtime in before the weekend.
I had a rather stunning revelation last night – there’s no rule that says I have to wait for the weekend to do the weekly chores. So last night before dinner I had Josh help me strip the sheets and blanket off the bed and put clean sheets back on. Then I ran the blanket through the washer/dryer and started the sheets. This morning after my shower I threw the towels and bathroom rug in the washer. It’s not necessarily a huge amount of stuff, but every little thing I can cross off my to do list helps, particularly since I have limited time this weekend. I’m thinking the more stuff I have done before the brat shows up, the happier I’ll be.
The to do list isn’t too long this weekend – I tried to keep it to essentials. The desk is just going to have to wait until next weekend I think, and I’ve decided that’s really ok. I’d rather not rush it. Some of the stuff on my list is the fun stuff like tie dyeing the shirts and working on my sock. I’d like to get it done this weekend if possible. I didn’t get much time to work on it yesterday because of the workshop and then having my niece over last night.
I teach later this morning and I’m really not looking forward to it. It’s a class that I team teach with one of my colleagues and the last time we did this she totally took too long with her part so I only ended up getting like 10 minutes to do my part. She just doesn’t seem to be that great in front of a classroom – she’s too stiff. And she scheduled it over when I normally take my lunch break, which just kind of pisses me off. Oh well, at least we only do this class a few times a year.
The mood is still kind of odd. I’m trying to let the new found goodness with Josh be a natural thing, but it still feels like I’m having to work at it. I’m not sure what’s going on with my brain but it doesn’t feel right lately. I actually called and tried to get an appointment with my shrink, but I wouldn’t have been able to get in until next week so I told them I’d just wait for my regular appointment at the end of the month. Sometimes her scheduling really pisses me off. If I’m having a crisis and need help I expect to get it.