disturbing observations

Tags

bipolar disorder, mental illness

It’s come to my attention that something is WRONG.

I guess I should have pushed harder to get an appointment with shrinky-poo last week.  My sleep is still pretty spotty though I’m not feeling sleep deprived.  This should have probably been the biggest item of note, but since I’ve been functioning ok, I let it slide.

The last several days I’ve been eating.  A lot.  No, A LOT.  Like everything in sight.  I just can’t seem to get enough food in my belly to make it full.  Were I at the time in my “cycle” where the hormones were dumping, I might expect this.  But it’s not that time.  And I’m still hungry.

The kicker?  I feel like I’m covered in bugs.  This started about an hour or so ago.  I’ve had several nice folks in the office confirm that there isn’t actually anything on me, but still, I can feel it.  Doesn’t seem to be effected by heat or cold, nicotine doesn’t effect it, and it’s worse where my clothes are.  This includes my feet.  Suck.

So yeah, I’ve called shrinky-poo and have an appointment at 2:30.  Now to get to that point in my day without clawing off some skin.

I’ve never had hallucinations before that I can recall.  When I’m given Ativan I do all kinds of interesting things, but I’m not sure if that counts.  But I’m clean right now – no drugs or chemicals on board that aren’t always there.  No new soaps or lotions or laundry detergents or foods or anything that should be making me feel this way.  NOTHING.

And apparently Josh is too busy to even get back to me since I told him about the bugs and the appointment.

life in the boring lane

Tags

bipolar disorder, knitting, life, love, meds, mental illness, motivation, sleep, work

There’s not too much going on around here right now.  I guess that’s good.  Nothing going on means no drama.  No drama means happy Mama.

I managed to get off work a little early yesterday and since Josh was working late, I had an opportunity to get some things done at home before he got there.  I made the lunches, my breakfast, mocha, got pills assembled for dinner, brought in the mail, started a load of laundry, and got some pictures uploaded.  It was really pretty awesome.  Today I have a meeting that runs until 4 so I’ll probably end up getting home about the same time he does.

I’ve already started the chores.  This morning I finished the laundry I ran last night and then started the towels and bathroom rug before I left for work.  I’d really like to see if I can get all of the chores done before the weekend so that I can have the entire time free to play.  I guess it’ll all depend on how much help I get from Josh.  My to do list doesn’t look too bad right now.  I know I can get it all done this weekend, just not sure yet when.  I know he’ll be gone for a few hours on Saturday doing the placement exams, so that should help.

I started the gauge swatch for my uncle’s socks this morning.  I didn’t really have enough time or energy to get it much past that point.  I woke up shortly after 4:30 when Josh’s alarm went off but I had other things I wanted to do.  I’m figuring if I can get the first sock well underway this weekend, that should be sufficient.  I’d like to be able to mail both pairs to them by the end of the month.

I think I’ve decided that I’m going to try to only have one project going at a time from now on.  That means as soon as I finish this pair of socks I’m going to start working hard and heavy on the tote bag.  I need those needles back to get my vest started.

I definitely feel like my energy has come back.  I’m sleeping fairly well and not having too much trouble getting up in the mornings.  In the evening I don’t usually start wearing down until close to 9, which gives me ample time to get things done.  I still do kind of feel like I have more energy/motivation at home than I do here at work, but it’s not as far unbalanced as it was for awhile.

Josh and I have appointments for physicals next Friday.  And that means this Sunday we need to get up early and go to the lab to have blood drawn.  Yuck.  I’m not that concerned about it, but Josh seems to be.  I just know it’s one of those necessary evil things you have to put up with as a grown up.  Josh needs to see about getting some sleeping pills and I need to get one of my meds renewed.  I’m just hoping it doesn’t take all damn morning.

The mood is not too bad these days.  Josh and I still have little fights off and on during the day, but it hasn’t gotten too bad for a little while.  I guess I feel like I’m able to keep my shit together a little better right now, and I know that helps.