I was right, Josh and I fought pretty well all day yesterday. Looks like we’re gearing up for round 3. Saturday just cannot come fast enough.
I was able to get everything here at work done that I needed to yesterday, which was good. I’m supposed to give a presentation today at noon that I really needed to be prepared for. I think I’m in as good of shape as can be hoped for.
August is, by far, our busiest month at work. The fall semester is going to start, new people are coming in, there’s classes to be taught and orientation sessions to be given… It’s just crazy busy. And I found out yesterday that two of my colleagues will be gone part of the time on vacation. Isn’t that nice.
I told Josh that I’ll probably be hard core stressed out for the next several weeks. He sort of tried to be good to me last night because of it. He offered to go get Chinese food for dinner and he gave me a very short head rub. Just seems like I’m always trying to figure out how much stuff I can do for him to make him feel better when he’s having a rough time at work and he’s only willing to do the bare minimum to take care of me. So this morning I neglected to tidy up his space. I made the bed and picked up after myself, but I left his side of the room untouched. Not even sure he’ll notice, and I really don’t care. I’m tired of constantly being the one to do all the fucking chores.
I am on a mission to get everything done before I leave Saturday afternoon. I started a load of laundry this morning that my mom said she’ll put in the dryer for me this afternoon. Tonight I’m going to try to run another load. I’d also like to get a few more things done if my energy holds out.
Last night I managed to stay upright for a little longer, but I still didn’t really accomplish much. I got the necessary chores – making lunch for him and making my mocha for this morning – done, but that was it. No work done on the sock. We stayed upstairs on the couch until about 8:30 and then went down to rest. I woke up shortly after 11 for a bathroom break and then kind of slept spotty the rest of the night. I didn’t have too much trouble getting up this morning, but I’d really rather still be in bed.
The mood is just all kinds of terrible. I’m getting my feelings hurt constantly and all of the anxiety from being stressed out is making me snap at people. I managed to mostly keep it under wraps yesterday at work, but I was pretty snotty to Josh. I really don’t know if he deserves this or not anymore. I’m just kind of tired of dealing with his bullshit.
I sort of dropped hints about Saturday yesterday when I got home. I told him that the ex is going to drop the brat off for HIM and I asked what the two of them were going to do. I made no mention of me being gone, but I also didn’t include myself in any of their activities. And I told him that I really need a chance to relax. So I’ve sort of set the stage for this, I’m just not sure he noticed my word choices or not.
He’s ignoring me right now and I’m ignoring him. I let him know when I got to work and as usual he replied that he’d talk to me at break. I told him not to worry about talking to me today, I’m fine. He got back to me again that he’ll talk in a few minutes. Yesterday he told me that he should just start leaving his phone at home so that he doesn’t have to talk to me during the day. I really think maybe he should. Seems like talking during the day leads to most of our fights.
I wish I knew how to get some of my energy back. I feel like a slug most of the time anymore and it really sucks. That sock should have been finished at the other one started by now. And I really should have run a load of laundry last night as well. My to do list isn’t very big at all – there’s nothing extra on it this week, just the usual chores. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to have it all done by the time I leave on Saturday.
