Most people look forward to the weekends. Two days off work, some time to relax and unwind, perhaps visit friends. Not me. I dread them. It means two whole days of non-stop fighting with Josh.
So I went to Gemma’s. That part of the weekend was good. We just hung out and talked, crafted a little, decompressed. But on the way over to her house I lost my passenger side mirror because Josh had a temper tantrum in the morning and slammed the door so hard that it broke the clip that holds the mirror in place. While I was there I asked him to promise not to drink Saturday night because I really needed some sleep. He promised. I went home and we watched a movie. About 9:30 I went to bed. I woke up about an hour later, alone, and found him and the brat on the back porch. I thought nothing of it and went back to bed. I woke up at 7 feeling pretty good. I started tidying up and found empty beer bottles in the fridge.
I flipped. I woke him up and the fighting started. He said he made the promise so that I wouldn’t worry and so that I would actually sleep. He’d gotten the beer on Friday and I apparently just didn’t see it in the fridge. So he made the promise knowing full well that he was going to break it.
We spent the entire day fighting.
This morning I wanted nothing to do with him so I pretended to still be asleep until after he left. When he got to work he sent me a text telling me that someone got into the Honda last night and stole his big flashlight and possibly the registration papers. The dumb son of a bitch had left it unlocked. I told him how fucking stupid he is. There’s a garage door opener in that car that would let someone into the house. Whoever went through the car could have come into the house and killed us in our sleep or stolen everything we have.
HOW CAN A HUMAN BEING BE SO FUCKING STUPID????
When I talked to Gemma on Saturday I told her that every time I think I’m ready to kick him out I change my mind. She said that just means I’m not really ready. But let me tell you kids, I really think I’m getting close. This shit is ridiculous.
He can’t keep a promise, he can’t fucking tell me the truth, and he apparently doesn’t know how to fucking pick up after himself. This morning when I left I did nothing in the basement. I left his light on, all of his shit strung out all over the place, and I didn’t make the bed. I’m not his fucking mother – there is absolutely no reason I should have to pick up after him every fucking morning. I’M SICK OF IT!!!
I setup a password on my iPad yesterday so that the next time he decides he needs to look at porn he’ll have to do it on his Nook or on the laptop. I don’t want that garbage on my devices. I’m really tempted to put a password on the laptop as well. It just fucking sickens me.
He’s supposed to be talking to me on his break in a few minutes. I never did let him know I made it to work and he hasn’t bothered to check on me. I’m tempted to just ignore him all day and see how he likes it. I’m so fucking sick of his bullshit that it’s not funny. I just took one of my 2 remaining Xanax to see if that will help calm me down. I’m just so worked up right now I don’t know if it’ll help or not. And of course I have to teach this morning, two classes back to back. Not really in the mood for this, but I’ll soldier through it.
Right now, I hate him. I hate him more than I think I’ve ever hated anyone. He completely fucked up my weekend when I specifically told him I was going to need time to relax and unwind. Even when I was at Gemma’s I couldn’t relax because I was stressing about having to drive home with no mirror. And I had no idea what kind of mess I was going to go home to. Sunday morning I had to clean the downstairs bathroom because the brat decided to draw pictures on the counter with hand soap. She’s just so fucking annoying and I absolutely HATE having her over anymore. She’s just a miniature version of him. We took her to see the new Ice Age movie yesterday afternoon and she talked through the entire fucking thing. ARGH!!!
I well and truly don’t know how much more of this I can tolerate. I think I’m almost at my breaking point. I guess I’ll decide what to do after he sends me that first text on break. I’ll try to post this afternoon with an update.
Wish me luck…