Mental in the Midwest

Daily Archives: August 23, 2012

bye bye beautiful

23 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

life, love, mental illness

So the goodness has left me. Josh and I started going back and forth before lunch and it hasn’t improved much. I’m so fucking tired of all this. I can’t even seem to keep my shit together for an entire week. This is bullshit.

I’m working in the lab right now which means sitting by myself in a quiet room with just my iPad and phone for company. Except Josh is working somewhere that he can’t talk right now so I’m well and truly alone. Even when he is able to talk he probably won’t.

I don’t want to ruin a good day and I really don’t want to ruin my run of good days.  But what do I do now?  I’ve already snapped at him and things are not looking promising for when I go home.  And the longer he lets me sit here the worse it gets.

So much for my good mood…

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

23 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bipolar disorder, christmas, friends, knitting, life, love, meds, mental health, mental illness, sleep, work

Evil Socks, fait accompli

The socks are DONE!!!  I finished the knitting last night and then wove the ends in this morning.  I can honestly say I have never been more pleased to see the end of a project.

*****

So, the changes…  I heard from a few folks and most of them said that sleep is the number one thing they would change.  Gemma wants to change her med regime, and I can’t say as I blame her.  She’s been dealing with all kinds of ick side effects lately.  I had some side effects at the beginning of my treatment, but they seemed to mostly go away when I switched docs and shrinky-poo overhauled my meds.  I do still have issues with the notorious lithium tremors now and again, but mostly only when I’m really good and frustrated with something.

Sleep, the always important and often elusive sleep.  We seem to get either too much or too little, rarely landing in that “normal” middle zone.  We don’t fall asleep easily, we don’t stay asleep, and when we do sleep it’s often plagued with nasty dreams that leave us feeling as though we haven’t slept at all.  Oh yes, been there, done that.

I actually had a hell of a time getting to sleep last night.  And I thought I’d been smart about my evening.  Josh and I were getting along splendidly, I didn’t have a smoke after dinner, drank a milkshake (which often helps put me out) and took my Clonidine fairly early.  And still I was awake at midnight wondering what in the hell had happened.  I finally drifted off and then woke to Josh’s alarm at 4:30.  I went upstairs and used the bathroom and then flopped down on the futon in the sun room.  I passed out for almost 45 minutes.  I woke again, had a smoke, and then woke Josh.  I feel alright now, but I’m betting I go down early tonight.

The only thing I can think of that might have been causing me trouble was caffeine.  I was drinking sweet tea and my milkshake was chocolate peanut butter.  But caffeine doesn’t usually seem to upset me, so I don’t know.  At any rate, I think tonight I’ll stick to lemon water just to be safe.

But seriously, what does it take to get a good night’s sleep?  I try avoiding the stimulants that I know bother me, I don’t lay down right after eating, I try to avoid stimulating television, I get everything that needs to be done accomplished so I’m not worrying about leaving things unfinished, I keep the room very cool, and I run a fan for white noise.  What the fuck else should I be doing?  If anyone has any other tips or tricks that help, please, share them.

*****

Things in Mama’s world seem to be running pretty smoothly right now.  Josh and I had a very minor upset yesterday afternoon that we resolved quickly and efficiently.  The evening was grand.  I got all of the chores done, we had a lovely meal together, I finished the socks, and I just plain felt GOOD.  I’m back to working on the washcloths for Christmas and trying to figure out what to do for the other folks on my list.

I think I have my morning routine all figured out now.  I get up either when Josh does or just a little before him, use the bathroom, smoke and drink my mocha.  If it’s still way before he needs to get up I knit for a few minutes.  I then put his lunch together, send him on his way, make the bed and tidy the basement, and knit again.  When he gets to work we talk for a few minutes and then I start getting myself ready.  Since I’ve been doing this I’ve been able to accomplish everything in the morning and get myself to work with at least a few minutes to spare.  It works well and I really do like it.

This morning I’m waiting for the financial aid office at the community college Josh is enrolled in to open.  I neglected to read all of their directions for applying for aid and now I have to fax them a release form.  Except I can’t find the fucking fax number anywhere.  Seriously, if they’re going to tell us we can fax something to them they ought to make it easy to find the damn number.

Josh is already telling me we’re going to have a good weekend.  I’m actually looking forward to the weekend for a change.  It’ll be just the two of us and I think I’m really going to enjoy that.  Not sure yet what all we’re going to do, but we’ve got plenty of things we should be able to do.  I’d really like to finally get working on that cedar chest now that the weather is more reasonable.

I’m having a serious debate with myself over the merits of continuing my Facebook account.  Most of my “friends” don’t post personal things anymore.  They repost political articles or religious pictures.  This is fine, but I don’t share their views so I don’t necessarily enjoy seeing these things.  And I kind of feel like only a very few of them are actually paying attention to the things I’m sharing.  Josh suggested downloading all of my photos from there to make sure I don’t lose anything and then letting it sit for a few weeks.  If, after that time, I haven’t missed it at all then I should deactivate it.  I think this sounds like a very reasonable plan.  While I’m working the lab on Friday I’ll take care of the pictures.  I’m just really not sure Facebook is something I want to spend any more time on, ya know?

The mood lately has been LOVELY.  I’ve felt very in control of my emotions, which is a pleasure.  The minor upset yesterday was handled quite well I think.  I’m looking forward to another good day and then an awesome weekend.

 

Recent Posts

  • go here
  • A Little Help For a Great Friend
  • changes are in the air
  • when life hands you lemons…
  • quickie update
August 2012
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  
« Jul   Sep »

Archives

  • January 2017
  • October 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012

7 weeks of weird 25 songs 28 day challenge alcohol anxiety award bipolar disorder blog for mental health 2015 borderline personality disorder building a life worth living building rome cartoon craziness challenge challenge christmas crochet DBT death depression divorce drawing Evie Cat family food friends getting creative getting healthy goals grateful health hormones hypomania kids knitting life limits love meds mental health mental illness money moods motivation music nano poblano normal organizational skills for little squirrels patterns pretty/shitty projects prompted post quitting smoking random shit that falls out of my brain recipes school seasonal affective disorder sex share your world sick simplifying skin conditions sleep stress stress management suicide taking charge of my finances tardive dyskinesia tattoos team pepper therapy the world is full of fucking idiots top 10 top 10 tuesday weight loss when good meds go bad work

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Cancel

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Loading Comments...
Comment
    ×
    Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
    To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy