Josh was nice enough to stop and get the Melatonin for me last night. I took 3mg along with my last Xanax. The combination of that and a quite evening seems to have helped. I slept fairly well and, while I had a hard time getting up this morning, I actually feel rested for the first time in what seems like a really long time.
When I got home we talked a little about what’s been happening. I apologized for my part in it and so did he. We agreed that we’ll keep working at this and that things should get better once I get the sleep situation sorted out. I feel pretty good about the way the evening turned out.
We did our “usual” thing and then had dinner. He helped clean up the kitchen and did a few things around the house for me. I helped him apply for a job and I managed to finish a hat I had started. I got everything ready for today and shortly after 8pm laid down to rest. He ended up falling asleep by about 9 so I turned everything off and was probably asleep by 10. It was actually pretty pleasant.
Now I’m just not sure what to do about tonight. I think I might have an old bottle of Klonipin laying around somewhere, which may help like the Xanax did. Although tonight I may just try the Melatonin and see how well it works on its own.
I’m feeling fairly certain that if I can get myself several days of solid sleep in a row that the fighting will pretty well stop and we can go back to being good to each other. It’s just so incredibly frustrating not feeling well and rested. I have to keep my shit together at work or I’ll get fired. I guess I just need to start viewing Josh as my other full time job and work harder to keep my shit together around him. It’s worth a try.
I still haven’t heard from his ex and I am getting seriously pissed off about it. It’s not like I want to have a visit this weekend, but I know Josh does. I don’t understand why this bitch always has to make things so difficult. But now I don’t know if I should send her another email or a text or really just let it go and wait until she gets in touch with us Saturday morning to find out why we aren’t there. I hate to say it, but had I known that I’d be having to deal with this kind of shit, I may well not have married Josh.
I have 2 more hats to make and then it’s time to start working on kid gifts. I also need to make a pair of slippers for Josh. I have the yarn for that already and the pattern is really pretty easy, so maybe I’ll start those before the bunnies. The hats should only take a few days, so I’m hoping to have those done by the weekend. Just seems like there’s so many things to do and only so much of me to go around.
The mood this morning is fairly neutral. I don’t feel like I have a whole lot of energy, but I don’t feel as much like a slug as I have the last several days. I just need to get through the next 8 hours and I’ll be alright I think. Josh and I have several things lined up to do tomorrow and I’m looking forward to that. I’m also really looking forward to my mom coming home on Saturday. I didn’t realize how much I would miss her.
Mental in the Midwest 