As most mental folk, I’m a slave to my routines. I have a certain way I do things, usually in a certain order, and anything that fucks with this upsets me. I’ve heard that this is pretty typical for people dealing with mental illness, bipolar in particular.
I have a morning routine that looks something like this:
- wake up and kiss Josh good bye
- use the bathroom
- smoke and drink my mocha
- talk to Josh over text until 6
- brush my teeth and shower, take pills
- get the basement picked up, make bed
- get dressed
- assemble bits for work
- drive to work
- check work email, handle any issues
- check personal email, read stuff
- wait for Josh’s first break
The rest of the day is negotiable. I usually take my lunch at 10:30 when he does so that I can talk to him. During the time I’m on the phone with him I usually either knit or crochet, depending on what project is going on. After he hangs up I sometimes keep going and sometimes I put my project down and eat. Spend the rest of the afternoon working or goofing off, depending on what’s going on.
The evening routine looks like this:
- drive home, smoke 2 cigarettes
- deposit my things in the appropriate places, get a drink
- go downstairs and hang out with Josh until it’s time to make dinner, sometimes have sex
- take a shower with Josh
- make lunches and coffee
- make dinner
- eat dinner, take pills
- clean up kitchen
- knit or crochet for awhile, maybe watch tv
- lay down around 8, hopefully asleep by 10
It’s a pretty boring existence, but I’m used to it.
With Josh going to school 3 nights a week my routine will change. No time to really hang out after work – I pretty well have to come home and start making dinner because he needs to leave by 5:15. This isn’t terrible as it gives me more time in the evening to hang out by myself and do my own things. I almost resented him being home last night because it threw me off again. I did manage to get some work done on the slipper and I got all of the chores done, it just seemed weird for some reason. I’m just hoping I adjust to this new rotating routine soon.
This weekend should be interesting. My mom has scheduled to have all of the carpets cleaned Saturday morning which means we need to get up early and get out of the way. Josh’s sister is moving this weekend and wants us to help, so I guess that gives us somewhere to go, I’m just not looking forward to it. I’m not all that fond of his sister anyway, and like my sister, she only ever calls when she needs something. Plus I really don’t like her daughters. They’re rude and mean and just downright unpleasant to be around. I’m really hoping she finds someone to watch them while we’re busy, they’d totally get in the way. As I said, I’m really not looking forward to this. I’m just hoping it doesn’t end up taking all day. Josh has promised me we’ll only be there for a short while, I just hope this is a promise he keeps.
I got the slipper worked up to the toe decreases last night, so the end is in sight. I’m guessing it should only take another hour or so of concentrated effort. I’m hoping to get to that tonight so that I can felt them tomorrow. It’s definitely not slipper wearing weather yet, but I’d really like to have them done. The hat is in time out. I don’t have enough yarn left at home so now I’m thinking I’ll rip a row out of one of the other hats and use that yarn. I just haven’t felt like messing with it yet.
The sleep last night was not great, but not bad. I just couldn’t seem to get comfortable. I think I finally fell asleep around 10 and then slept in fits and spurts most of the night. Josh was having a hard time sleeping as well and I’m not so sure that that didn’t contribute to my issues. I seem to sleep better when he’s sleeping.
The mood is alright so far. We’ll see how long that lasts. I’m in the lab again today and not too excited about it. I don’t have to be here until 9 but I’ve got all my stuff here so I just came straight here when I arrived this morning. I’m going to go have one last smoke here soon. That’s the thing that really sucks about being here – I can’t sneak out for smoke breaks. When I’m scheduled to be here I have to be HERE. Totally sucks. The only upside is that there is very rarely anyone around so I can pretty well do my own thing. Of course, when I’m back in my office almost no one harasses me there either. I don’t know, I guess just plain having to work sucks these days. Josh needs to hurry up and win the lottery so I can quit and be a housewife.
Josh has been pretty good lately. He’s been helping around the house some and he’s been showing some effort to take care of me, which is nice. I’m hoping the weekend goes well and that we don’t have any fights. I guess it’ll depend on how much he drinks and how difficult it is to get him out of bed in the morning. He’s a pretty good guy most of the time, in all honesty. I just don’t always have enough patience to deal with his particular brand of bullshit. But I guess that’s probably true of most of us. It’s hard having patience with other people when it’s a colossal struggle to have patience with yourself.