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So apparently something in my chemistry is different now than it was the last time I took Benadryl.  I took the 2 pills and then about 30 minutes later took my Melatonin.  30 minutes after that and I was out like a light.  I slept almost straight through until the alarm clock went off at 5:35.  I remember waking up a few times in the night to get a drink because my mouth was really dry, but I don’t remember Josh’s alarm going off or him leaving this morning.  I guess I really needed that sleep.

It just amazes me the way that drugs work in my system.  I almost never take pain meds because they seem to do nothing.  When I had my tonsils removed they gave me liquid Oxycodone and it did nothing.  I ended up going back to work after just a few days because I figured I could be miserable at work just as easily as I could be miserable at home.  When I had my hysterectomy I just flat out didn’t fill the Rx the doc gave me for pain pills because I knew it wouldn’t work.  I’m just lucky in that I have a really high tolerance for most pain.

Several of the psych meds I’ve tried have also not done anything for me.  I took Topomax for a while – all it did was make carbonated beverages taste like sewer water.  I took Abilify – it seemed to do nothing.  I took Lamictal – it gave me a rash.  And I’ve taken Ativan – it makes me super aggressive.

I’m allergic to almost all antibiotics as well.  Almost all of them make me break out in a terrible rash.  There’s only like 2 left that I can take and the docs are very careful when they give me those because they’re afraid I’m going to develop a sensitivity to those as well and then I’ll be really fucked.

My body chemistry is just flat out bizarre and I’m not entirely sure why.

Anyway, last night was a waste.  When the Benadryl kicked in I finally stopped scratching, but I also pretty well had to go to bed.  I was sort of walking around drunk and that was just no good.  At least I stopped itching and this morning I feel better.  I did opt to wear long pants today to cover the damage I did.

I had really hoped I would have time to knit this morning, but since I didn’t get up until the alarm went off I barely had time to get the things that really needed to be done accomplished.  I’ve got the sock with me to work on at lunch, so hopefully I can make some good progress then.  This week has just been fucked up from day one.  I may get the sock finished this weekend but I’m totally not sure about the other 2 projects now.  Though with Gemma coming over I’ll get some knitting time in the afternoon.  Here’s hoping.

I read many other mental health blogs and I’m noticing a trend.  We all seem to be having difficulties right now.  Makes me wonder if perhaps there isn’t something physiological going on with the change in the seasons.  People from all over the world seem to be having more difficulty over the last week or so.  I don’t have any answers for us, I’m afraid, but I would like to just offer a little hope for everyone.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

lots of love, Mental Mama