I’ve pretty well reached the conclusion that Josh is the most self-centered person I’ve ever met. He does almost nothing for me while I do everything for him. He will sometimes thank me for my efforts, but constantly expects more. Last night I had to make dinner and hold his hand while he did his homework. When I mentioned to him that maybe one day I’ll be sick enough that someone else will take care of me he got super pissy. He emptied the dishwasher and cleared the table and then stomped off to class. When he got there he sent a text apologizing for not thanking me enough.
Even when I’m supposed to be resting so I can get well he expects me to take care of him. Yesterday he didn’t empty his lunch box or get pills and he didn’t stop and get me a drink on his way home. He did virtually NOTHING. I’m really fucking sick of this.
I realize that I’m a pretty strong woman and I don’t necessarily need a whole lot of care, but for fuck sake, can’t he throw me a fucking bone now and then? The house is trashed because I haven’t felt up to doing anything. When he got home from class last night he said hi to me, took his shower, and then ignored me the rest of the night.
And now I’m supposed to want to have sex with him tonight. Are you fucking kidding me?
My mood is terrible. I took a Klonipin this morning to help calm myself down and I’ve smoked 2 cigarettes. I’m just trying to maintain some semblance of calm so that I don’t fucking freak out. And I’m really trying to stay at work all day, but if this shit keeps up I’m not sure how I’ll be able to. I already talked to my boss and she said if I need to go that’s alright, she’d rather have me in shape to teach tomorrow. And I’ve gotten all of my stuff done to be ready for that. I’m just kind of waiting to see what happens next.
I seriously feel like nothing I do is ever enough for him. It’s not good enough, I don’t do it often enough, I don’t do it fast enough. And I’m seriously just done trying. I can’t do what it would take to make this man happy anymore. I’m done.