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I was right – he didn’t text until he got home.  We chatted for a few minutes, nothing of note.  When I got home he had done a few things to help with the dinner preparation.  We talked a bit more, he finally asked for money for gas for the car again and I finally admitted that I’d been hiding money from him.  He wasn’t upset, just glad there really was money left for gas.  I told him that I wasn’t really in the mood right then but that maybe if the evening was pleasant I would be interested by the time he got home.  He agreed to try being a little extra nice and then left.

I did the chores and got things ready for my niece coming over.  He texted me when he got to school and we talked for a few minutes.  It was pleasant – he actually flirted a little.  My niece came over and I hung out with her and my mom for awhile.  I also started a new project.  It’s a shrug/sweater thing for ME.  I decided I’m taking a break from making stuff for everyone else and I’m making something for myself.  I’ll get back to the gifts soon, after I’ve really decided who all else is getting gifts.  Anyway, I already had the yarn that I’m using and it’s turning out really pretty.  There’s not really enough to show yet, you’ll just have to take my word for it.  I’m hoping to have it done in a few days.

Anyway, Josh got home and things were pretty decent.  We relaxed together for a bit and then it sort of naturally progressed into the sex.  It was way better than it was Monday night – I was actually interested this time.  Then we laid down to snuggle for a few minutes before going up to shower and he started kissing me again and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex again.  That damn near NEVER happens.  So I’m not sure if this is like a really good sign or what, but it was really pretty nice.  And this morning he’s already talking about trying that again tonight.  The boy is horny, that’s for sure.

So anyway, I’m totally not sure what’s going on now.  Seems like maybe things really will get better and we’ll go back to treating each other properly and really loving each other.  That would be really nice.  He was a lot more affectionate last night than he has been in a long time and I hadn’t realized how much I’ve missed that.

It took work this morning, but I was patient with him and tried to be good.  I did ignore him when he left – I pretended to still be asleep – because I was miffed that he hadn’t snuggled me when I tried snuggling him this morning.  But when he texted me I talked to him even though I was trying to knit.  I think it went alright.  Like I said, he was making noises about having sex again tonight so I’m guessing that means he’s in a good mood.  We’ll just have to see I guess.

I think I’m past the danger zone with the smoking.  I was thinking this morning about stopping and getting a pack since he knows I have money now, but when I really thought about it the thought kind of turned my stomach.  I think perhaps I’ve hit the point where it’s been long enough that if I try to smoke now it’ll make me sick.  That’s a good thing I think.

The mood seems to be getting a little better.  The better things go with Josh the better I feel in general.  I’m hoping that today is a decent day.  I teach this morning and then this afternoon is the practice for that new class.  It’ll be a busy day for me, and I won’t get to talk to Josh at lunch, but I’m hoping it goes alright anyway.  I really kind of need it to go alright.  I’ve been taking the Klonipin far too often and I really need to break that habit.

I do seem to be sleeping decently still, which is kind of a miracle considering what all’s been going on.  For awhile I was taking Benadryl because my skin was acting up again and that was putting me to sleep.  I’m back to taking the Melatonin and it’s working just fine.  I try to get to sleep before 10 and then it doesn’t seem to be a problem to get up around 5.  I wouldn’t say I necessarily have a whole lot of energy first thing in the morning, but it’s good enough to get myself going.  I think it helps that I get up with enough time to knit for a few minutes before having to get ready.  That seems to help me ease into the day and not feel like I’m hitting the ground running.  Seems kind of silly, but it makes a big difference for me.

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