The best laid plans of mice and men… Or some shit like that.
So I *did* have a quiet week by the looks of the calendar, and then some asshat went and spoiled it with meetings. Two meetings. Two meetings that run until 4:30pm. On adjoining days. In the middle of the week. Asshat.
I’ll be here until 4:30 today and tomorrow, which is just ever so lovely. Josh will almost certainly have to leave for school before I get home, which is also just lovely. That’s fine, he hasn’t been a whole lot of fun to be with anyway. When he left for school yesterday he was very edgy – he had a test to take and he was unhappy about it. He ended up staying late to finish the test and so when he got home he was really good and crabby. We ended up snapping at each other and not having sex. When he finally got out of the shower he apologized, but things were still pretty strained. This morning it’s been more of the same. Allegedly I was going to be able to tell him I didn’t feel like talking and he’d respect that. In reality, not gonna happen.
I’m starting to think that he really is on his way out, and that suits me just fine. Just kind of waiting to see how my appointment with the therapist goes on Thursday. I’m still not sure when, or if, I’ll tell Josh I’m going. It really isn’t any of his business I guess. And it’s not like he seems to give 2 shits about what’s happening with me right now anyway. Oh well.
I didn’t knit last night at all. I did the chores and then hung out on the sofa with Mom watching tv. It was really kind of nice. We don’t too often get a chance to bond like that and I had forgotten how much I enjoy just hanging out with her. Tonight I might try to do that again but with a little knitting this time. I’ve got to finish Josh’s other mitten, the leg warmers, and I’ve got the butterflies started. Those really shouldn’t take all that long, they’re just little and fiddly. Putting the mobiles together will be the interesting part.
I finally told the people I work with that I’ve quit smoking. I had told my boss last week, just in case I got a little crabby, but I didn’t want to tell anyone else until I was sure I would be able to do this. Everyone is very proud of me and I got lots of hugs. And everyone loved the sweater. I can’t wait to wear it again. Anyway, the not smoking thing continues to go well. I do still have cravings now and then, but I really am convinced now that what I’m craving is mental and not chemical. I really don’t miss the nico-tine, I miss the rou-tine. The only way to combat that is to make new routines.
I am trying to find little ways to reward myself. I’m making the mocha a little different now to make it stronger. It actually tastes better, too. I’m also brewing a special kind of tea to drink during the day. I’m finding that flavors are more intense and better defined now that my sense of taste isn’t being dulled by the smoke. I’m better able to discern the subtle nuances of flavors again and I really enjoy that. I’m trying not to replace the cigarettes with food, but I’m trying to give myself more interesting foods to enjoy during the day.
The mood hasn’t been too bad. I’m pissed at Josh for being his usual self again, but what else is new. I’m very tempted to ignore him when he texts on his break. I told him I’d see him tonight – do I really need to spell out for him, “hey asshole, don’t fucking bother me today”? Perhaps. He is thick.