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He’s still around, yay.

When I finally got home from work things seemed to be alright.  Strained, but alright.  We talked for a few minutes and he left for class, telling me he’d be home early and we’d have sex when he got here.  At 8 he finally showed up.  I was not at all in the mood so we proceeded to start fighting yet again.  After almost 45 minutes we finally got things settled down.  We had sex, which was utterly terrible, and then took a shower.  I finally got to go to bed.

This morning is starting rough again.  He apparently didn’t sleep well because he was running quite late this morning.  I got 2 texts from him – one saying he was there and the other saying he’ll talk to me at break.  Dismissed AGAIN.  But that’s fine, I’m not going to talk to him at break.  I”ll be at the auto body shop taking care of the car.  And then at lunch I think I might just be too busy to talk.

I’m tired of all the fighting.  He’s seriously pissing me off again.  He’s stressed out about school and there isn’t a fucking thing I can do about it.  The math he’s doing right now is not something I’m good at.  I’ve suggested he ask the teacher for more help or a way to get more information about what they’re doing, but of course he won’t.  His English class is no problem – he’ll get an A in that one.  It’s just this fucking math that’s killing him.  And I literally don’t know what else to do.  But it’s all my fault somehow.  I told him last night that I’m really sorry I talked him into going to school.

What gets me is that when I was doing my undergrad degree I worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time and went to school full time.  He’s working one full time job that requires almost no brain power and going to school part time.  When I did my graduate degree, I worked my full time job and carried a full course load.  But I know NOTHING about going to school and taking classes.  Sure.

I haven’t been knitting lately hardly at all.  None of my projects I have going are speaking to me.  The butterflies really need to be done soon – they’re for birthday presents and the birthday party is at the very start of December.  I’ve still got quite a few things I need to be working on, just none of it seems appealing right now.  I know I need to get myself back on track, and quick, otherwise I’m never going to make my deadlines.

The mood is shit, pure and utter shit.  I told him last night that I feel like I’m being neglected and I really do.  He’s got no time for anything anymore and that includes me.  I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough to get his attention anymore.  I really think that’s why we’ve been fighting so much lately – it’s about the only way I can get his attention these days.  It’s terrible.