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When I was first diagnosed with the Bipolar I went through a time when I had no sex drive at all.  I didn’t want Rob to touch me or look at me and heaven forbid I had to touch or look at him.  As my meds and moods stabilized my sex drive came back.  It wasn’t quite as full blown as it had been before the meds, but it was probably fairly close to normal.

When Josh and I met I was hypersexual.  I wanted it all the time and would take care of my own needs by myself on a very regular basis.  I couldn’t get enough of Josh and pretty well wanted it every time I saw him.  When we moved in together I started wanting it every day.  He took care of my needs as best he could and life was pretty good.

I had a partial hysterectomy in November of last year.  I had to go a full 6 weeks without sex.  That was hard core difficult.  After the doc cleared me we started up again and go to the point where it was pretty regular.

In the past few months I’ve slowed down again, way down.  Most of the time now I have zero interest.  Seeing Josh naked pretty well just disgusts me.  Part of this is my sex drive being damn near shut down and part of it is that he’s put on close to 50lbs since we met.  I don’t have a thing against big guys – Rob was bigger than Josh, but his personality outshone his physical attributes.

So we’re fighting about it again.

He wants to have sex tonight.  I don’t.  I told him I’ve got a whole lot of things that need to be done, and he’s not one of them.  I told him if the sex is really important than I’ll go along with it but tomorrow he’ll need to take care of the brat so I can get things done.  Yeah, that did not go over so well.

And I really don’t get it.  All he would have had to do this morning was say “hey, I know you’ve got a lot to do but this is important to me, so how about I help you?”  But no, he’s just been grumbling and being mean.  When I told him that all he had to do was offer to help he replied “don’t I always?”  Well, no, not really.  He’ll help if I specifically ask him to do something specific, but he NEVER offers help unsolicited and quite frankly I’m tired of it.

And of course NOW he’s too busy to talk.  He’s been chatting after his break until now, but all of a sudden he doesn’t want to talk anymore.  Ok, whatever.  As far as I’m concerned we don’t ever need to talk about this again or have sex again.  He quite literally does nothing for me anymore.

The really sick thing is, I’m pretty sure if I was with someone who was treating me decently I’d be right back to being horny all the time.