Today has sucked, badly. The meeting this morning was cancelled but Josh and I have been fighting non-stop. I’ve told him several times now that I’m no longer interested in being his wife. He insists that everything will be fine when I get home. Right.
He claims that every time I work in the other building we fight. Every time I don’t get enough sleep we fight. Every time the sun doesn’t shine on my fat white ass we fight. I’m tired of it.
He’s really just not worth the effort anymore. I’ve known this for awhile, I just can’t seem to get my head and my heart on the same page. He does virtually nothing for me, rarely has anything nice to say, and just yells at me every chance he gets. I’m tired of it.
He works a terrible job that makes almost no money. I pay all the bills and take care of all of the financial responsibilities. He expects me to do all of that plus take care of all the chores, take care of his brat kid when she comes over, and still have energy to fuck him when he wants it.
I want no part of it anymore.
He says I’m never happy, and he’s right – I’m never happy because I’m married to him and he does nothing to make me happy.
Of course he just assumes that when I come home tonight everything will be fine. I’ll see him and he’ll make some kind of move and I’ll just melt like I always do. Normally I’d agree – seems like no matter what happens during the day, if I can just get home and manage to not smack him upside the head, things get better.
I’m tired of putting fucking band-aids on a broken arm.
I’ve been a bitch today, I’ll admit it. But he’s been a world class asshole, so maybe I can’t help it. Maybe I’ve asked for some things and not gotten them, like kind words or some encouragement. He’s never been a giving person, and I’m sure he’s sick and tired of dealing with me. I just wish he’d realize that I’m sick and tired of dealing with him and just fucking go.