So apparently I’m supposed to just let him run roughshod over my heart and not say a single fucking thing about it. Right.
Today has gone about as I’d expected so far. He told me this morning he wasn’t flirting anymore and ignored when I said I just wouldn’t fuck anymore. His break came and all he wanted to do was talk about work. No mention of anything that’s going on. At lunch, more of the same. I told him I wouldn’t fight anymore. He told me he wants sex tonight. I told him he’d have to work to get me interested. He dropped it. Now he’s trying to get me to tell him that I love him.
I guess I just let him say and do whatever the fuck he wants and not say boo about it. Ok, then I’m going to do whatever I want and not let him stop me. If it works for him it should work for me, right?
I told him that I’ll give him my body but he’ll never again get my heart. By christ I mean that. I’ll never let him make me feel like this again.
I told him that he’s more like a roommate that sometimes wants sex than a husband. We never go out and do anything together anymore. The closest we get is going out for dinner so that he can drink. Yeah, there’s an exciting outing. But that’s fine, I’ll just start planning activities with my girlfriends. I’m sure they’d love to spend some time with me.
I need to get back to building my “life worth living.” It’s a DBT thing. The idea is that you try to surround yourself with things that make you smile and do things (safe and constructive things) that make you happy. Working on my knitting makes me happy. Getting back into school makes me happy. Spending time with my girlfriends makes me happy.
Doing anything with him makes me miserable.
Now he doesn’t even want me to talk.