The university I work at, and am going to get this graduate certificate from, requires proof of measles immunization prior to enrollment. I know I’ve had a measles immunization but I can’t find proof – anywhere. So I went over to Health Services this afternoon to see if I could have a blood titer that would show my immunity. This is a standard procedure for someone my age. After 4 botched attempts to get blood they finally gave up and gave me the first measles vaccination. I feel like a fucking pin cushion. And I have to go back in 30 days to get the second shot. These fuckers HURT. But the nice nurse agreed to remove my enrollment hold today.
Josh and I have kind of been at it again. He barely talked to me through the day, even at lunch. Now he’s harassing me because I want to run to Claire’s after work and pick up some earrings to wear in my “bonus” holes. I want something very small, preferably shiny, and that I won’t freak out about losing. Now he’s going on about how he’s going to go to the book store and do a little shopping himself. Seriously? I *might* spend $10, maybe. This is not an out of control, get revenge by draining the bank account kind of outing. It’s an errand, not a shopping trip.
But apparently I’m not allowed to do anything “different.” And running an errand after work is different.
I used to do everything by myself. I went to stores, handled all my bills, went to work – I did it all, all by myself. I was an independent woman who enjoyed her freedom.
Now that I’m with Josh it’s as if I’m not allowed to do anything by myself. He gets mad when I go to Gemma’s, he gets mad when I do things with my mom, he gets mad if I want to go to a store without him. I’m fucking chained to his side and I’m really pretty sick and tired of it.
I’m not allowed to be different. I made a mold and now I have to stick with it. One of these days I’ll break the mold, but I guess today is not that day.
I feel incredibly stuck.