I’ve been watching rather a lot of television today.  Enough to come to the conclusion that women are obsessed with 3 things – makeup, shoes, and how fat they are.  I’d just like to state for the record that I’m obsessed with none of these.  I am, however, very much a woman.  Just listen to me roar.

I’ve never been big into makeup, even when I was a young woman and it was “the” thing to do.  I never had a vast collection of powders and potions to apply to my face.  I think I may have worn foundation once.  These days it is a rare occurrence indeed that I decide a situation warrants a little eye shadow and some mascara.

I just don’t get it.  Makeup these days rarely, if ever, looks natural.  What’s wrong with your face the way it is?  I rather like my face, thank you very much.  I don’t ever feel the need to spackle my skin with layers of goo and powder and apply unnatural looking colors to my eyelids and wear ridiculously long fake eyelashes.  Nope, that’s just not me.

My skin regimen consists of washing – once a day, in the shower, and I have 3 products I rotate through – one per day.  I’ve found the hard way that continual use of any one of them is too much for my finicky skin but rotating like this seems to provide me with a healthy glow.

Shoes.  Where to begin.  Don’t get me wrong – I’ve got more shoes than I can comfortably wear in a week.  Like I said, I am still a woman.  I just don’t get all excited about shoes that aren’t comfortable.  I don’t give a flying fuck how cute they are – if they hurt my feet I’m putting them in the garbage.  I always look at comfort first when I look for new shoes.  I tend to pay more for my shoes because I have huge feet, but I also generally get shoes that last more than one season.  I’m frugal with my money.

Weight.  Jesus fucking christ.  Is there a woman on this planet who doesn’t obsess about her weight?  Yes, ME, right here.  I’m fat and I love my body.  There, I said it.  I wear 2X tops and size 20 pants and I’m 5’6″ tall and I weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 260lbs.  I’M FAT.  But you know what?  I’M HAPPY.  I love this body.  It’s good to me when I’m good to it and really, what more can you ask for.  Don’t give me this bullshit about “I just know I’ll be happy when I lose that last 20 lbs.”  BULLSHIT.  If that’s your attitude you ain’t never gonna be happy.

Love who you are.  Love what you look like.  Take care of yourself so you’re healthy.  Be nice to your body and it will most likely be nice to you.

Now, go wash that crap off your face, put on some slippers, and for fuck’s sake – go eat some chocolate.