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Things with Josh are not going well.  I kind of expected this, but it’s still unpleasant.

We were fighting most of the day yesterday and it continued after he left for school.  On his break I suggested he come home.  I always suggest this.  I say it because I want him to know I miss him.  Apparently last night he took me seriously.  He claimed that he was coming home.  I told him if he did I was going to lock him out.  I fell asleep and he came home earlier than usual.  We fought some more then.

This morning he got up early – presumably because of the snow storm we had last night.  He said “bye” and that was it.  No kiss, no love you, nothing.  When he got to work he told me that he loves me and then proceeded to tell me how to get to work given that the roads are terrible.  Yes, I’ve lived here my entire life – I really need driving advice from someone who has nearly lost his license because of so many at fault accidents and speeding tickets.

I made it to work just fine.  The roads are terrible, but again, I’ve been driving in this shit since I was 16 – I’m pretty used to it by now.  He never asked if I’d made it, just assumed that since I was answering his messages that I must have.  How delightful.

I’m really not looking forward to the rest of my day as I have a feeling it’s going to get worse before it gets any better.

Everything will be fine, it always is.  Things always get better honey, always.  I just want to have a good day/night with you.

I’m tired of it.

Time for the path of least resistance.  I’ll do and say whatever it takes to avoid a fight.  Let him get away with murder if that’s what he wants.  I’ll just be the consummate doormat and let him walk all over me.

Of course I want to have sex, I live for those times with you.  You want a new phone?  Of course I’ll buy one for you.  I have no idea how I’ll put food on the table, but that’s ok, I can skip a few meals.  Everything I have is yours, go ahead and take it and destroy it.  I don’t need anything from you, just do what makes you happy, I’ll be fine.  I need to be more chipper and lively when I talk to you?  Of course I can do that.  Tell you that I love you more often?  Certainly, it’s just words that mean nothing anymore.  You want to leave the television on all night?  Go ahead, I don’t need any sleep.  You want me to take care of your daughter?  Consider it done, I love children.  You want me to do your homework for you?  Absolutely, I know nothing about welding but I’m sure I can figure this out on my own well enough to get you an A.

Not sure how much of this it will take before he realizes what’s going on.  Even when he does my money is on him thinking that life has improved significantly.  Should be an interesting ride.

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