You’re going to get spammed today, just fucking deal with it.
So it would appear that Josh is right – this shit does always get better. What I find interesting, and encouraging, is that the shit seems to last for shorter periods of time, not get as bad, resolves itself more easily, and really doesn’t happen as often as it used to. It used to be that it would generally start first thing in the morning, last the entire work day, and then take a few hours after work to resolve itself. Now it may still start first thing, but it often winds down before I leave work and then takes next to no time at home to come to a conclusion.
Josh isn’t a bad guy, he’s just clueless sometimes. I can’t really even fault him for that. I have no idea what I’d do were the tables turned. He tries to be patient with my moods and do the best he can to take care of me. Yesterday he told me the only thing he ever really feels like he can do is make sure I take my pills like I’m supposed to. And that’s entirely true. Everything else has to be made up on the spot. There are recurring themes and certain things that will always set me off, but everything else changes on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis.
He’s really sort of a saint in some ways.
Don’t get me wrong – he’s still a man and quite often still an asshole. He can’t seem to help it. But he does try to be as good to me as he’s able to. It’s a lot easier to be good to someone when they’re trying to be good back, and often I’m doing my level best to be as cruel as possible. Not really fair.
So things are looking up. Today has been really good so far. We had a few pleasant moments before he left, the conversations have been light, lunch was good, and now the rest of the afternoon should be steady. We found out at lunch that he doesn’t have to work tomorrow so he’ll be off with me. I’m thinking this could be good. We can run our errands together and get all of the chores out of the way so we can play the other two days.
I’m also hoping we get a little celebration in this weekend. My best friend Gemma is also mental and struggles with it. She decided she needs to get herself prepared to get back into the work force so she’s going to start a volunteer gig. She found out today that she’s been approved. I am so unbelievably proud of her. This is huge and so I want to make a huge deal of it. Just waiting to see when we can get together and finalize our plans.
I LOVE YOU GEMMA AND I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU HONEY!!!!