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Well isn’t this interesting.  I started the day in a pretty respectable mood.  I started attacking things on my to do list and making good progress.  Then Josh texted on break.  I slumped.  I got back up to speed, made more good progress.  He called for lunch.  I really slumped.  I told him I don’t think he should call anymore.  He argued with me.  I got back at it again.  He texted on his last break.  Super slump.

He’s bad for me, I know he is.  But how do I get over this feeling that I need him?

I’ve tried telling him before that I think talking during the day is a bad idea and he always fights me.  Always.  But I can fucking feel my mood plummet as soon as the phone goes off.  It’s always the same bullshit and I’m tired of it.

I was doing awesome until he had to fuck with my day and that really pisses me off.

“But honey, if you’re having a problem how will I know?”  Seriously dude, I can’t fucking get ahold of you unless you’re on a break anyway and if I’m really having a problem I can’t fucking wait that long.

“I’m not putting you on the back burner honey.”  Right.  I get maybe 5 minutes at the small breaks and, if I’m lucky, 15 minutes at lunch.  Just enough time for you to fuck with my day.  Not any more jackass.  I realize that he’s busy at work and legitimately can’t talk sometimes, but even when we’re at home he rarely gives me any attention.  He’s always doing something else.  But that’s fine, I’m a busy person, too.  I’ll just keep finding things to keep myself busy with so that I never have time for him either.

The mood has been all over the place today – up and down and fucking sideways.  Only another mental person will understand a sideways mood.  They’re ugly.

All I really want to do right now is finish the project I started this morning, go home, put on pjs, and ready my book the rest of the evening.  What will really happen is I’ll go to the fucking dentist for this cavity, go home, have to fuck his highness, take a shower, cook his dinner, make lunches and drinks, and finally collapse.  Sounds pretty fucking awesome, don’t you think?

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