Josh is acting weird lately. Twice in the last week he’s “forgotten” to tell me that he loves me when a break was over and this morning he claims that he sent him “I’m here I love you” text to someone else. Now he claims he’s not out to purposely hurt my feelings, he’s just not “perfect like you.” Seriously?
Something is going on, I’m just not sure what. I have my suspicions, but no proof of anything. I guess I just have to wait and see what the rest of the day holds. I’m not happy though. This is really not how I wanted to start my day.
I set my alarm clock for 4:30 this morning and actually got up. I want to be prepared for the time change. Josh said he’d get up with me but he didn’t. I went and smoked and then worked 2 stripes on the sweater, smoked again, and got in the shower. I ended up making it to work almost 15 minutes early, which is good – I have a fuckload of stuff to do today. I don’t have time for Josh or his drama.
I talked to my boss today about the TD and the Geodon. She said that when I started the Geodon is when I really came back acting like myself. It’s been a long road and it’s taken awhile to get here, and I don’t want to lose that. I’m all for taking the lowest possible dose of Geodon, but I really don’t think I want to give it up. Much as it (literally) pains me to say this, I’d rather live with the tardive dyskinesia and get to stay on the Geodon than take my chances with a new med. I’ll talk to her about it on Thursday I guess.
I do still seem to be sleeping appropriately. I got up around 2:30 this morning coughing, but I took some cough syrup and went right back to sleep until the alarm went off. I’m not even really tired today, which I guess is good. Maybe the time change won’t totally throw me this year after all.
The plans for the party are coming along nicely. We’re going to get together on Friday the 15th for dinner and games. I’m going to make an Irish Shepherd’s Pie and Guinness Chocolate Cheesecake. It should be epic. I just hope Josh and I are getting along by then.
The mood isn’t too bad, all things considered. Josh is annoying as fuck right now, but that’s really not anything new. I just need to learn to brush off his bullshit in the mornings. He’s no where near as conscious of his actions and words as I am, and he never has been. I shouldn’t expect him to pay attention to what he says and does I guess. I’m just kind of tired of always feeling like he’s going out of his way to hurt me.