I’m sure I’ve felt this way before, but I can’t clearly recall the last time I was this ready for a week to be over. It’s been one trial after another and I’m emotionally exhausted. I don’t really feel like I’m in the best frame of mind to have to deal with the brat this weekend, but I’ll do my best. Things are finally starting to look up and I hope they stay that way.
Josh and I got everything worked out yesterday when we both finally got home. We talked and apologized and explained to each other our sides of the story. I’m just a little overly sensitive most of the time and he’s extra thick-skinned. We’ll make it work. Unfortunately it was a rough evening and we didn’t make up fully as we’d intended. It seemed like everything we did was destined to fail before we even started so we decided that trying to have sex was a really bad idea. We talked and snuggled instead and I went to bed early.
I got up at 4:30 again this morning and fucked around with the computer for a bit. I was trying to see if Josh had gotten paid today or not but the stupid server at the bank was offline for maintenance or something. So I cleaned out my email and read a few blog posts instead of knitting. I started trying to get him up around 5 but he was having no part of it. I finally got him up at 5:50 and we got ready. I told him yesterday that unless I’m having a really rough morning myself there’s no reason he should ever be worried about being late to work. Either his ass will be out of bed on time or my size 11 wide foot will be lodged up it.
This morning is off to a better start though. I’m seriously considering starting to get up at 4:30 all the time. It gives me a little time to myself to do some things I want to do before I really have to start my day. I like being able to ease into the day and not feel like I have to hit the ground running. It really does make for a much smoother start. And I do some of my best thinking first thing in the morning.
So, I got here on time and got my stuff setup for today and decided to try the bank again. He did indeed get paid. He had 44 hours on that check and for one week it was only $40 less than what he used to get for two weeks. The only thing I’m not sure about is whether or not they took out child support. I’m kind of guessing they didn’t, but I don’t know for sure. I’m not even sure if he gets a pay stub from this place or not since they only do direct deposit. I’ll have to have him call and check when he gets home tonight.
At any rate, we were really good last week and he still had most of the last paycheck from his other job still in his account so I’ve decided we’re going out tonight. I might even try having a cocktail since I’ve been feeling better. And I checked my bank account this morning and I still have more than enough to cover the one bill that hasn’t been paid without dipping into the savings account. You probably can’t appreciate how happy this makes me. I’m finally getting my shit back on track. It feels really good.
The mood this morning is pretty good. I feel rested and relaxed and ready to do some things. I only have one meeting this afternoon and it’s with my team – I’m running through a new class with them to see if there are any kinks that need to be worked out. It really should be a fun time I think.
Shrinky-poo seemed very surprised when I told her I’ll stick with the Geodon despite the tardive dyskinesia. I just can’t imagine going back to not being myself. It was terrible. I didn’t have any ambition or motivation and I really had very little emotion. I could register physical pain, but that was about it. With the Geodon I feel like I’m alive again and really living, not just existing. It’s a huge difference. And if I have to live with the TD to feel like myself, so be it.