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I’ve been crying off and on all day and because of that I have a wicked headache.  My boss came in right after Josh’s last break to scam some chocolate and I lost it on her.  She reaffirmed that none of the bullshit he’s feeding me is true and that I have a whole lot to offer the right guy.  He’s just not the right guy.

So she sent me home and told me to take care of myself so that I’ll be fresh tomorrow.  I’m already in pjs and I’m trying to decide what to do.  I’m not doing any of the usual chores.  All Josh has done today is shit on me, I’m not rewarding that.  I’ll take care of my things in my time and not a minute sooner.  Right now I’m debating between working on the sweater and laying down to rest.

I can’t even begin to explain how exhausted I feel.  I know I’m sleeping at night and I know I didn’t really do much at work today but I feel like I’ve run a marathon.  I can barely think and putting together coherent sentences is difficult.

I’m really just ready for all of this to be done and over.  I’ve had more than enough drama to last me a lifetime.  I don’t love him anymore – I know this now.  I don’t even really want to be in the same room with him anymore.  The less I have to do with him the better off I am.

I pointed out his neglect this morning and got my ass chewed for it.  No sense in trying to ask for things anymore seeing as I never get anything.  All he has to offer are empty promises and outright lies.  Thanks but no thanks.

I will freely admit that I am not the easiest person to live with.  I’m stubborn and set in my ways.  I’m overly sensitive.  I’m more than a little neurotic.  But I would give someone the shirt off my back if they needed it and I bend over backwards to take care of the people I love.  I am loyal to a fault.  I have a very big heart.  I do my best to make those around me smile.  I give until it hurts.  I’m just a good person and I deserve better than the shit I’ve been dealing with lately.

Regardless of what happens at 5 tonight when he gets home, I’m going to make some changes.  I’m going to actually start doing things to take care of myself again.  I’m going to spend more time with my girlfriends and my mom.  I’m going to get back to building a life worth living.

This is MY LIFE and I’m going to live it MY WAY.

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