So we’re getting the brat tomorrow. I was supposed to get my hair done this afternoon but I just rescheduled until next week. Josh is pretty well insisting on going out tonight and I need time to get everything done before she gets there. He claims he’ll help, but I’ve heard that story before. Easier to just completely rearrange my life to suit his needs.
The birthday ended up decent. I got some really cool gifts from the girls and we had an awesome lunch. Josh was decent for the most part. We did end up having sex and a conversation. He finally said something about how I’ve been acting lately and I told him it’s just easier for me to do everything myself than have to try to rely on him to do anything. I could see in his face that that struck a nerve.
I’m just really too wore out to fuck with this shit right now. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he and the brat have a wonderful weekend, even if it means I suffer the entire time she’s there. Anything to keep him happy. When he’s happy he doesn’t yell at me and I really hate it when he yells. Best to just not rock the boat anymore.
I got another 4 rows worked on the sweater this morning. It’s coming, slowly, but it’s coming. The yarn is so incredibly soft – it’s just amazing. I don’t know as I’ve ever worked with yarn this soft before. I can’t wait until it’s done and I can wear it. I’d like to think I might get a few minutes to work on it this weekend, but I’m not holding my breath. I’ll be cooking and cleaning and babysitting the entire time. If I get any time at all it’ll be because, like always, I’ll have gotten out of bed at 4:30 in the fucking morning.
The mood is still pretty flat most of the time these days. His bullshit just doesn’t phase me like it used to. I sometimes get a little upset during the day, but I haven’t been utterly pissed off for at least several days. I also don’t really seem to get too overly happy anymore. The gifts from my girlfriends made me happy yesterday, but that was pretty well the high point. Having to have sex with Josh was the low point. It’s always the same exact thing with him and I’m tired of it. And he never does anything to put me in the mood anymore – I have to get myself going before he gets home. It’s pretty terrible.