As I think I mentioned, I’m burnt. Extra crispy.
The fucking brat’s concert starts at 6:30 – right when I should be taking my pills. It’ll probably last about an hour and it’s a 30 minute drive back home. Knowing my luck I’d fall asleep in the car and then not be able to get back to sleep when I got into bed. I could wait and take them after the concert, but they don’t always work right if I take them too late. I really REALLY need some good sleep tonight.
So I’m not going to the concert.
I tried telling Josh at his last break that I am utterly exhausted. I also dropped that I guess I’ll just never get a chance to rest. “You will honey, some day.” Right, this mythical fucking “some day” I keep hearing about. Josh is notorious for telling me to just keep waiting and good things are bound to happen.
I am so fucking tired of waiting for “some day.” And really, I’m just tired of waiting for anything from him. I get no real love, no emotional support, minimal financial support – next to nothing. I’m sick and fucking tired of it.
So tonight I make my stand and start putting myself first. If I don’t take care of me, no one else will – and that’s a documentable fact. It’s all me, baby. And I am here to tell you and god and who ever else wants to listen that THIS BULLSHIT ENDS TONIGHT.