, , , , ,

As I think I mentioned, I’m burnt.  Extra crispy.

The fucking brat’s concert starts at 6:30 – right when I should be taking my pills.  It’ll probably last about an hour and it’s a 30 minute drive back home.  Knowing my luck I’d fall asleep in the car and then not be able to get back to sleep when I got into bed.  I could wait and take them after the concert, but they don’t always work right if I take them too late.  I really REALLY need some good sleep tonight.

So I’m not going to the concert.

I tried telling Josh at his last break that I am utterly exhausted.  I also dropped that I guess I’ll just never get a chance to rest.  “You will honey, some day.”  Right, this mythical fucking “some day” I keep hearing about.  Josh is notorious for telling me to just keep waiting and good things are bound to happen.

I am so fucking tired of waiting for “some day.”  And really, I’m just tired of waiting for anything from him.  I get no real love, no emotional support, minimal financial support – next to nothing.  I’m sick and fucking tired of it.

So tonight I make my stand and start putting myself first.  If I don’t take care of me, no one else will – and that’s a documentable fact.  It’s all me, baby.  And I am here to tell you and god and who ever else wants to listen that THIS BULLSHIT ENDS TONIGHT.