It’s really starting to feel like every time I turn around there’s someone in front of me with a hand out expecting me to pay some bill that Josh racked up before we met. I’m really pretty sick and fucking tired of it. Damn near all of my money goes to paying for things that I didn’t even get to enjoy. How fucking fair is that?
I’m trying not to be upset, but I just don’t feel like I have it in me to be good to him today. All he really did last night was pout about the tax thing and then bitch about his job. I told him that his number one priority right now is to find a better job, but he did nothing to that end last night. He’ll have the entire evening to himself today – he will again do NOTHING.
I’m getting tired of being the one to take on all of the responsibility. Now that I’m starting school I can’t possibly get a second job. And really, there’s no reason I should have to even think about that – these are HIS debts and as such are HIS responsibilities. I’ve got 2 mental illnesses for fuck’s sake – MAN UP AND GET A BETTER JOB ALREADY!!!
I’m really thinking what it might come down to is me getting nasty with him, and I really don’t want to do that. I know he’s on the edge right now and it won’t take much to push him to drink again. I could see it written all over his face last night. I told him last time that happened that I wouldn’t put up with it again – whether or not he believes me is a whole other story.
I’m just tired, and stressed, and he’s not exactly been doing much to help since yesterday. I’m actually really glad I won’t see him tonight until I get home from class. It feels like some time away from him would be a really good thing right now. He always goes on about how much he misses me, I think he needs to know what it’s like to miss me for once instead of just saying the words.