Class last night went well. It’s going to be even more work than I expected, but I think I’m going to enjoy it. We ended up having to leave early because the instructor got scared about the weather (it’s tornado season here right now and she’s not a native), but that was actually kind of nice. I went home and had a bite to eat with Josh and Mom and went to bed at 9.
This morning I was quiet again and Josh said something about it. I told him I was tired. The truth is that I’m stressed, to the extreme. I’ve got a ton of homework, the usual chores to get done this weekend, the slumber party with the kids to get through, and then I still have to figure out how to get this tax mess taken care of. It’s kind of a lot to ask of one mental girl and I’m a little concerned I won’t be able to handle it all. As such, I was a little snippy with him this morning and then things got kind of ugly. He made a really snide comment about how glad he is I’m back in school. I told him I was glad to see that he can’t handle that I’m finally doing something positive for myself instead of wasting all my time taking care of him.
I finally decided I was bored with having this conversation – it’s a variation of the same one we always have when he feels like he’s been neglected – and I apologized. I don’t mean it, not one bit. But it shut him up. Good enough.
This morning he told me he expects me to come home and have sex with him. I was right about last night – he didn’t look for a job and he didn’t stop by the bank to get the direct deposit form he needs. Why in hell should I do anything nice for him?
The moods are actually still pretty decent, I think anyway. I am feeling the stress a little more right now, but I still haven’t gotten into the pills and I’m coping alright. I am sort of maintaining a low level of pissed off just because of whole “Josh just dropped $20k worth of tax debt at my feet” situation. But I think anyone would be. I’m still getting things done, being nice to the people who are nice to me, I engaged in the discussion in class last night, and I’m trying to not worry about the things I have no control over. In other words, I’m doing the best I can and being ok with it. Can’t ask much more than that of anyone, let alone someone who is mental.