bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, life, love, meds, mental health, mental illness, moods, motivation, normal, school, sleep, stress, tardive dyskinesia, the world is full of fucking idiots, when good meds go bad, work
Wow, I am so far gone right now…
I’ve been doing a few things around the office to deal with stuff. Not necessarily the important stuff I really ought to be doing, but stuff nonetheless. I’ve been chatting with folks here through comments and having interesting discussions on Facebook. But the inside of my brain feels rather like a pinball game right now.
Here’s some things you might actually be interested in since shoes are really just sort of boring…
The tardive dyskinesia is nearly gone. I still find my face doing the random odd thing when I’m trying to fall asleep, but that’s really about the only time I notice it anymore. Zero weird twitches with the arm. This is wonderful progress.
My body seems to have figured out how to deal with the whole balancing act that is “sleep” these days. I pretty well only get the full 8 that I’d like on the weekends, closer to 6 during the week. This doesn’t seem to be much of a problem anymore. However, I am pretty well having to jump start my brain in the morning with an energy drink. In my defense, that’s just about the only caffeine I consume in the average day.
The moods seem to be mostly stable. Josh and I do still jump on each others shit now and then, but it’s not bad. Our relationship seems to keep evolving and growing and I take those as good things. It seems to take a whole lot less these days to really piss me off (unless you won’t listen to what you’re being told or blow your fucking nose) and the “flare ups” seem to pass a lot quicker. I don’t feel as though I’ve had what I would characterize as a true “Borderline episode” in ages now. (thank you Mom for forcing me to do the DBT thing)
The med thing seems to be good. I’m still at 1500mg of Lithium and 1500mg of Depakote with the 5mg Melatonin thrown in for good measure. Most of the time I’m able to focus on the task at hand, demonstrate motivation, think appropriately, and behave like the normies. I’ve got an appointment with shrinky-poo coming up on Friday but it’s our usual garden variety “just gotta make sure you aren’t having trouble, here, have some more pills” kind of thing.
I am delighted that I took this class this summer, though not delighted that I still have to write a 10 page paper. I’ve scored incredibly well on everything that’s been graded so far. I have no doubt that I’ll earn an A. I also have no doubt that I will think twice about taking a 5 week class next summer. It’s really just too much shit crammed in too short a span of time.