Tags
anxiety, bipolar disorder, hormones, kids, life, limits, love, mental health, mental illness, moods, school, sex, sleep, stress
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result every time. See also: common practices of Josh.
I started getting on him about doing homework on Wednesday. Technical fail on his part, didn’t want to ask for help, evening wasted. Thursday he claimed he was too tired. Friday he insisted on sex and then did a very little bit, but totally wrong. Saturday the brat was there. I had hoped to be able to take her shopping to get out of the house so he could work for a bit, but he threw a temper tantrum about how I always leave him alone at the house and he never gets to go anywhere. (I call total bullshit on that one.) So then I got sick and sent him and the brat out alone to shop so I could be left in peace to die. Nothing else done that night. Sunday after he got home from dropping her off he again wanted sex so he didn’t get started with anything until after dinner. He wrote one paragraph. He’s supposed to be turning in a rough draft of this 4 page paper by tomorrow night. And he’s in class tonight until at least 8.
Yeah.
I told him that what he’s been doing obviously isn’t working so he needs to think about doing something else. I got jumped on for that. Actually I get jumped on for most things these days. He has almost no patience with anyone, least of all me. I ended up so pissed off at him and the kid Sunday afternoon that I went to the grocery store BY MYSELF while they watched some lousy ass movie together. I had reached the point that if I didn’t physically remove myself from their presence that it was going to get ugly.
He’s been telling me more lately how uncomfortable he is around her and how he doesn’t really enjoy having her come over. But you should have seen the look on his face when I reminded him that there’s no court order saying he has to have these visits – you’d have thought I was suggesting he bury her in a shallow grave in the desert. Seriously dude, you’re not enjoying this, I’m pretty sure she’s not enjoying it, I sure as fuck don’t enjoy it – why in the name of all that is holy should we all be tortured like this?
Whatever, I know nothing.
And he tells me last night that every woman he’s ever had in his life has been EXACTLY the same – we all tell him we want one thing but when we get it we change our minds, nothing he does is ever good enough for any of us, and all we ever want to do is harass him about his life. ALL OF US. Then this morning he has the balls to tell me that I’m the best woman ever. Right, the best. I’m gonna call bullshit again.
I may well be starting to go through menopause. I seem to be having issues getting my internal thermostat under control at night, and sex just really sounds like a whole lot of effort for very little return these days. My mom was fairly young when she went through it, though not quite this young. Having had the hysterectomy could be throwing that off, not sure. If shit doesn’t settle in the next few days, I’m seeking help. Actually, I’m seeking help anyway. It’s that time of year for me to get a regular old physical with my GP.
Anyway, I’m tired. We had a rough time last night getting the tiny bit of shit done. He’s fighting this all the way and I’m sick of it. I agree with him that the class is bunk, but he needs it for the degree. His best bet is to suck it up and just do it, but that’s not how he works. So we had harsh words, right before bed. Then he left the light on. Apparently he couldn’t get comfortable because I kept getting woke up to an elbow in the face. At 5am when the THREE alarms went off – one of them the fucking dueling banjos from Deliverance – I got up. I got myself ready for work, said goodbye, and left. I’m not in the mood for this today.
easyweimaraner said:
If I could I would give you a hug – sadly I can do it only figurative :o)
LikeLike
Mental Mama said:
Thanks Easy. Just knowing someone is out there listening helps.
LikeLike
Grainne said:
Wow Mama. That man of yours needs to start taking some accountability for his own life. No wonder it exhausts you. Half the time he’s your hubby and the other half is like raising a kid.
I laugh when men say things like “You’re ALL the same!” The real issue is that HE has tried to do the same thing with all the women he has known and each time he tried it, it didn’t work. He just keeps trying and wants the credit, but he’s still doing the WRONG thing. (sorry, I’m mad at men today…lol).
xo
LikeLike
Mental Mama said:
I just love it when he realizes how he’s fucked up and then tries to back peddle. And you’re right – he keeps trying to same tired shit with all of us and it doesn’t work. He just 100% does not get that love can’t be bought. While he and the brat were out shopping he got me a new blouse and a CD – for no reason. It was nice, but we’re broke, so really?
LikeLike
Grainne said:
Hopefully he’ll keep growing up. It takes some people a long time to hit that level of emotional maturity where they realize what it takes to maintain a stable and loving marriage. (hugs tight). Men. Sheesh.
LikeLike
scorpionglow said:
This post made me SO angry. I seriously just want to injure this guy on your behalf. For anyone’s husband to say to them “all the other women…” and actually complete the sentence requires a smack to the head. It’s disrespectful, because clearly you’ve tried from day one with his daughter and continue to do so. It’s like you’re raising a child of your own, except he’s an adult and needs to be accountable for his words and actions. Walk away, give yourself some space to think and take stock of what you want the next five years of your life to look like. You deserve to be happy, loved, and cared for. You deserve to have a supportive spouse. No marriage is perfect, there’s always going to be something you differ on and argue about, but there should be more love and respect and less fighting. I wish there was something I could physically do to help you, truly.
LikeLike
Mental Mama said:
Short of duct taping his hairy fat ass to an electric fence, I’m not sure what there is left to do.
I’m just not willing to let it get to me right now. I told him last night that allowing him to make me angry is like me putting poison in my morning mocha and then expecting him to drop over dead. It sucks my energy and does nothing to him.
I’m working on this one though as I really am getting fed up. Just remember kids, it’s all in Mama’s head…
LikeLike
scorpionglow said:
That’s one idea. LOL. There must be something wrong with me since I constantly come up with creative means of torture. I’m not good with male stupidity.
I totally get your analogy. No matter how angry you get, it all just rolls off of him. He’s never affected by any of this, which is even more disturbing. I’ve never been good at tolerating that kind of ignorance and mental vacancy from a guy. Taking responsibility, and simply owning their shit always seems like we just asked them to cure cancer.
LikeLike
Doggy's Style said:
Oh Mama,
I’m sorry things are a bit shitty there.
It seems like there’s a lot of stress and steam built up, you take care of yourself, you are the most important part of the equation.
Much love,
xx
LikeLike
Mental Mama said:
Thanks Leo, I’m working on it.
LikeLike
myplace2spu said:
I really truly love your writing style. Your humor is refreshing even in troubling times you find a way to bring humor into the equation. Love and hugs.
LikeLike
Mental Mama said:
Thanks. I learned a long time ago that it’s really easier to laugh than cry most days, and I’m quite comfortable laughing at myself at this point in my life.
LikeLike