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I’m pretty sure it’s all the damn meds in my system right now making me feel like this.  I’ve got a wicked case of apathy going on and that just sucks.  I’m trying to push myself to do something – anything – and it almost hurts.  This usually ends up resulting in a pity party for me and quite frankly I ain’t in the mood for that shit.

So, what to do…

I guess we engage in some navel gazing and see if we can come up with some positive things to think about.  Bear with me, this might get weirder than usual.

  • My boss told me yesterday that damn near everyone who bothers to say anything to her about me has something good to say – including the head of our department.  I mentioned this to K this morning and we agreed that hearing these kind of things would do a great deal to boost morale.
  • I have a major class project I need to start working on and I submitted a list of potential topics to my prof – fully expecting all of them to be deemed shit.  She came back and said they were actually all really good and I was free to go forward with any of them.  I asked my boss for input and she suggested the one I had really thought was bad – but she likes it because it would fit really well with something we want to do here anyway – determining technical competencies for faculty wanting to teach online.  I talked to K about it this morning – and then my boss’s boss – and both suggested that this might actually be a really good starting point for a doctoral dissertation.  Whoa.
  • Which leads me to my next point – my boss also told me yesterday that I seem to be happiest when I’m in school.  I guess it gives my brain something worthwhile to gnaw on.  I really am still contemplating the whole doctorate thing, I’m just not far enough along with this to know what I’d specialize in.
  • The declining motor control is kind of upsetting, though I’m still not sure what’s doing it.  It could be that I’m not drinking enough right now and so my lithium levels are off.  It could be something the prednisone is doing.  I’m really just not sure.  I’m hoping by the time I’m off the antibiotics and the ‘roids that it goes away.  And really, it’s only my hands.  I can still walk just fine and my face is as normal as it ever was.
  • Josh was weird again last night and I think there’s something bothering him that he’s not talking about.  I know he’s upset about not being in school himself, but I just can’t take full responsibility for that.  And I sure as hell don’t have the $504 worth of back tuition we need to pay before they’ll let him enroll again.  I haven’t even been able to pay all of the regular bills this month.

Yeah, maybe this didn’t work so well…