Mental in the Midwest

Monthly Archives: February 2014

and now we breathe

25 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

anxiety, knitting, life, mental health, moods, stress, work

whew…

This has been an incredibly busy two days at work.  And Sunday at home turned out alright, but also busy.  There really hasn’t been any relaxing around here for awhile.  That, my friends, is about to change.

The visit with Dr. P went really well.  REALLY WELL.  He was exactly as I pictured he’d be plus twice as wonderful to talk to.  He invited us to come visit him at least half a dozen times, which would be incredible.  It was quite possibly the most rewarding work-related project I’ve ever undertaken.

However, next time I decide that new dress shoes on a Monday when I have to walk all over the place is a swell idea, will someone please smack me?  I have a huge bloody blister on the back on my right foot.  Today I wore hand-knit wool socks with Birk clogs.

The mental stuff has stayed pretty remarkably in check.  I’ve been a little grumpy because I’ve been so nervous, and because my stomach has been reacting to that, but not too bad.  Evie is helping.  You really just can’t be too crabby when there’s a small purring ball of fluff sitting next to you.

Last night she hopped up on my desk and thought she’d help herself to my bowl of rice pudding.  We discussed that too much cream would upset her tummy, so I let her have the dregs when I was finished.  She licked the bowl clean and then promptly passed out.

I haven’t had a chance to work ahead with my school stuff, but I’m ok with that.  Tonight I’m planning to park my ass on the couch, watch some tv that I enjoy, and knit.  I kind of feel like I deserve that.

Please help no amount is too small…

24 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

This is the very FIRST TIME I have ever reblogged something, so I want y’all to realize how incredibly fucking important this is to me. Merry is a wonderful person and a true-blue pal. No one should have to deal with all of the shit she does AND have to worry about losing their home. Instant karma’s gonna get ya baby, donate what you can.

easy like sunday morning

23 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

family, friends, kids, life, love, mental health, motivation, random shit that falls out of my brain, school, stress, work

Do you hear that?  Shh, listen close.  What do you hear?

A cat purring, a man gently snoring, and a furnace fan running, keeping me warm.  Nothing is beeping, no one is talking, and I’m free to do what I’d like.  I’m pretty sure this is what heaven sounds like.

One point of note from yesterday’s post RE peach rice pudding.  If you’ve never had rice pudding it’s kind of like bread pudding but made with rice and we always do it in a smallish old Crock Pot (there’s just something about an avocado colored appliance).  There’s cooked rice, sweetened condensed milk, sometimes evaporated milk, butter, cinnamon and nutmeg, and then some kind of fruit – usually either raisins or craisins for us, sometimes dried cherries and Mom keeps contemplating dried blueberries but hasn’t ever actually worked up the nerve to try it (they’re not her fav).  But when Mom was mixing it up the other day she decided to get creative.  She took some peaches from a jar (we get the best peaches this way from Costco) and put them in our little hand-powered food processor thingy and got them really little and kind of mushy like an applesauce consistency and then dumped that in the mix.  We also boiled the rice in milk this time, just to see how it would be.

Are you familiar with the concept of a “foodgasm?”  Think about it for a second, it’ll come to you.

If she can remember what she did different this time I’ll share the recipe.  It’s not at all hard to do and I think it’s just phenomenal.  It may well be a Midwestern thing and I know it’s kind of a poor man’s dessert because the ingredients are generally pretty cheap.  But it’s awesome.

Ok, enough about food.

eye in monitorThis is the graphic I used on the cover of that big project I’ve been working on for class.  The paper I used was my undergrad thesis which was about Electronic Portfolios, so I thought this fit really well.  No clue where we got this originally – my boss found it for a flyer we did at work.  But I love it.  And I love Wendy for helping me so much.  (I love Wendy for lots of reasons, this is just one)  I checked the schedule yesterday and I’m currently caught up for class.  Which of course means that if I have time today I’m going to see if I can work ahead.  You know, overachiever and all that.

So I may or may not have mentioned that my new good buddy Dr. P is coming to town on Monday to give several presentations.  Because I invited him.  (omg, I just really love taking credit for this one!)  And because I am the little weirdo that I am, I am kind of concerned about the first impression I make.  Well, the first physical impression, he already seems to be delusional enough to think I’m maybe a little awesome.  Also, because of who will be attending these various presentations, I feel like I need to make a super awesome impression on those I haven’t met yet (or those who have never bothered to take notice of me before, you know, cuz I’m just a peon and stuff).

I have a pretty reasonable work wardrobe, but I tend more towards the casual end of “business casual” which means that when it’s cold out I often wear my black Skechers slip on tennis shoes.

indexThey’re quite comfy, and most of the time they’re just fine.  (particularly since my boss has a huge collection of these in other styles that she wears all the time)  But this is a Big Kid event so I think it calls for Big Kid shoes.  And a whole Big Kid outfit.

Let me pause to explain how much I LOATHE shopping for shoes.

I have size 11 Wide feet.  The reason I have so many pairs of Birkenstocks (8 pairs) is because they make most of their sandals in larger sizes.  Many companies do not.  Many companies also do not seem to realize that those of use with long feet often have long wide feet, and some of us have the added bonus of higher than average arches. The shoes I have that are not Birks are generally from other high-end companies like Clarks, Teva, and SAS.  Yes, I pay out the ass for my shoes – but these fuckers fit well and last a really long time, which makes it totally worth it to me.

And I’ve reached an age where I refuse to spend money on shoes that I cannot comfortably wear for 10 hours a day; so that rules out heels, pointed toes, straps that aren’t adjustable, and generally speaking anything someone my age would actually want to wear.  These factors seriously limit my shoe choices.  So before we left to run errands yesterday I did a little pre-shopping prep on the interwebs.

shoes_is23348I found these on the shoe store’s website.  The company is LifeStride and the style is called Devlin, in case anyone falls immediately in love with them like I did.  It said they had my size, online, and that I’d have to call the store to see if they had them in stock.  The store is so close that I just took a chance and went.  The very nice sales lady took me right to them (based on my sketchy description), found the box with my size/width, and they’re PERFECT.  Plus, they were on sale.  I find them to be stylish but not trendy and kind of timeless.

Anyway, so that’s the shoes.  Black dress pants, tailored jacket that has a kind of abstract black and white design with bits of red trim, thinking a black tank under that (I get hot easy), and then red/gold jewelry.  (our school colors are red/white/black)  Definitely swankier than I usually dress, but it should still be comfortable and appropriate given how cold it’s supposed to be tomorrow.

I’ll be away from a real computer all day tomorrow because of the events and such.  I’m debating about taking my iPad with.  I’ve already decided I’m taking my purse (which is HUGE) so I could stash it in there along with my little bottle of Mio or whatever water enhancer liquid crap I decide to take with, and my camera, and a snack, and the flying squirrels only know what else.  Tuesday will likely be the same, though I may have time to pop in sometime in the afternoon.  It’s hard to say at this point.

Actually, this whole week is kind of weird.  I’ve got all that on Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday I have a tech info session to attend in the morning and then a class to teach in the afternoon (one of my favs) plus the class I’m taking to go to that night, Thursday looks to be multiple meetings, and then MAYBE Friday I’ll get a chance to catch my breath.  I’m going to try to at least say HI and BTW I’m not DEAD YET, but who knows.  I’m also really hoping to be able to do a better job of keeping up on reading your posts this week.  I feel so out of touch with y’all right now, and that makes me sad.

On another slightly sad, but actually kind of ok, note – yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my Dad’s passing.  It was a little hard, but not terrible.  I felt/feel bad for Mom because my sister left for Ireland yesterday so Mom is having to stay at her house for a solid week to take care of my nieces.  She brought them here yesterday afternoon so all the girls (the kid is here this weekend) could play and do craft projects.  So I know that helped a little, but she told me that all she really wanted to do was hangout in her own house.

Miss E learning how to make a duct tape rose pen with a little help from Miss A while Josh draws a picture for Little Miss A in the background

Miss E learning how to make a duct tape rose pen with a little help from Miss A while Josh draws a picture for Little Miss A in the background

(damn, we need better variety with the first letters of these names, though E is the third in line with a name that starts with E…  and yes, that is my hobbit hole)

Anyway, Josh found The Croods on Netflix last night and we watched that after Mom and the littles left.  (still no fucking cable, though that’s supposed to get taken care of this morning – have I bothered to mention the utter insanity that has been my dealings with the cable companies this week?)  I’d wanted to see it, but didn’t want to pay movie theater prices for it.  I thought it was good, but I’m kind of a sucker for kid movies.  But then I cried.  Something about the relationship between Grug and Eep (dad and daughter) reminded me about my dad and it touched me.  So it was a good cry, and just a tiny one.  Excellent little movie if you haven’t seen it yet, I’d recommend it.  (and it looks like there’s a part 2 set for 2017!)

Not much else to share.  Josh has some kind of cold/upper respiratory junk again, but has actually been pretty pleasant.  He helped get the chores and errands done and didn’t bitch at all about me telling him we don’t have extra money right now.  Evie is her usual cantankerous self.  And I’m finally starting to feel like I’m (appropriately) back in control of what’s going on.

Thanks to those of you who have tracked me down and made sure I’m alright, and thanks to those of you who have been quietly cheering me on from the sidelines.  Knowing that all of you are there helps, more than you probably know.  Love to all of you…

soon my loves, soon…

22 Saturday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

family, friends, life, love, mental health, school, stress

Still a little ridiculous around here, but it’s starting to settle down.  There are some things I need to take care of yet today, so I probably won’t have a chance for a full debrief until tomorrow.  But I’m doing alright and I wanted you all to know that I miss you.

I also wanted to acknowledge the wise and wonderful Wendy, without whom I would not have been able to get that wonkin’ big school project done and turned in.  Four days EARLY.

And a HUGE thanks to Mom who pulled me away from the chaos yesterday so that I could get a little perspective.  It’s not really the things you do necessarily, it’s who you do them with and how much love you’re surrounded by.

And who can eat the most peach rice pudding.

say what?

19 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

anxiety, depression, divorce, life, limits, mental health, mental illness, money, moods, sleep, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots, work

I’m angry and frustrated and pretty fucking strung out.  I know, typical Wednesday, right?

For those who may not know, last summer Josh dropped $20,000 worth of old tax debt at my feet.  He had worked as independent contract courier for 2 years and his DAD had told him he didn’t need to file taxes.  Yeah.  He worked in one state, lived in another, and didn’t pay taxes to either or the IRS.  The one state caught up with him last year and I setup a payment plan for him.  A few months later the IRS sent a letter.  Rather than take my advice and setup another payment plan, he decided he’d contest it.

Have you ever tried getting the IRS to change their minds about you owing them money?  It rarely happens, and – so awesome – while you’re busy fucking around they keep charging you late fees and interest.  It’s super.

So he finally got a letter yesterday saying, “by the way dumbass, you still owe us all that money.”

I’m pissed.  I really just don’t get how you can possibly be THAT fucking stupid.  But he is.  And he doesn’t understand why I’m upset.  So last night he just didn’t say anything.  Nothing.

This morning he pulled his whole “time has passed, surely she can’t STILL be mad” shit.  Hello Einstein – I’m even MORE PISSED.  (sorry for all the caps, it’s utterly necessary, I assure you)

So he asks if he should call at lunch.  Wow, what a spectacularly shitty idea.  I tell him that I don’t care.  So he calls.  Yes, another shitty idea.  And then…

He has NO interest in listening to me tell him how frustrated and upset I am and how work is utterly ridiculous right now and I’m not where I should be with my MAJOR FUCKING PROJECT THAT’S DUE FOR CLASS NEXT WEEK and how I can’t hardly fucking eat because my stomach feels like it’s trying to eat it’s way out.

Nope, he doesn’t want to hear it.  He’d rather talk about the weather and his day at his shitty little job and how everything is just magically going to be better when I come home tonight because he loves me SO much and he missed me SO much.

For the love of all that is or ever was holy I am so over this bullshit.

And, oh god you have got to hear this, to add insult to the many injuries, that rotten son of a bitch belched directly into the mother fucking phone.

CHECK PLEASE!

fuck you, monday

17 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

anxiety, life, limits, mental health, school, skin conditions, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots, work

Argh, someone make it stop…

That skin “fun” I deal with has been acting up again.  Last week it was my right leg – a big ass golf ball sized cyst that refused to drain.  The slightest touch was like a knife.  Then sometime this weekend it shut down and one of the Old Faithfuls on my left leg started up.  This time it’s red and swollen to about the size of a small plate and one of the many geysers is actively draining.  It smells like death.  And no, I’m not purposely sticking my nose between my legs – just sitting here in my desk chair comfortably I can smell myself.  It’s beyond rank.  So I’m debating whether or not to call my GP to see about an appointment since I may actually have a legitimate infection this time.

I also have what may or may not be another cyst on my torso kind of under my right boob – very handily lined up with where the wire for my bra sits.  It hurts like holy fuck.  I’ve decided that I just can’t win.

One of the errands we ran on Saturday was to Target to get Josh some new underwear.  He had evidently decided that the snug fitting boxers would be awesome.  He also decided that he could totally squeeze his ass into a size large.  WRONG.  But we didn’t get confirmation of this until this morning.  After he had unwrapped both packages.  And I washed them.  Both packages that were $20 each.  And now can’t be returned.

Things at work aren’t too terrible right now.  I had a fairly busy morning but now I’m going to try to get some of my own stuff done, like scanning that paper for my next assignment.

 

holy fucking flying squirrels wearing super hero capes and combat boots

16 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

life, love, normal, school

So much stuff, such a short amount of time…

This is what Saturday kind of looked like:

  • Went with Mom to pick out a new dishwasher
  • Grocery store – bought 12 half gallons of milk, it was on sale
  • Pet store, pharmacy, gas station, Target
  • Lunch and dinner out, both Mexican places – excellent margarita at dinner

Today it’s been mostly chores and a run to the office with supplies.  I did get Josh’s taxes done, my desk cleaned up/out, half of his tuition paid.  I just checked my assignments for the week and I need to read one chapter in the text book (45 pages!) and then do an “exercise” which consists of fucking around with a digital photo.

close enough to relaxed to count

close enough to relaxed to count

Might just use this one.

get back here, I put a deposit down on you!

15 Saturday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

family, kids, life, love, money, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots, work

Hi kids, have you missed me?  I’ve missed y’all lots.  The last few days have been incredibly busy, but now that the weekend is here I’m hoping for a chance to catch up and maybe – dare I say it? – relax.

Things at work have gone from a little hectic to full on batshit bonkers.  I spent most of last week feeling like there was way more work to get through than could possibly be handled in the 9 hours I was there each day – never mind the fact that I’m supposed to get an hour lunch break every day.  (yeah, that didn’t happen – not once last week)  But I managed to get things done and not kill anyone in the process, though I came really fucking close on Thursday.

We’re bringing in a nationally known speaker on 2/24 to give a webinar for all 4 of our campuses.  I’ve been working with my boss and K to put together a web page for advertising purposes.  My boss totally fucked the initial design K and I came up with, but whatever.  I offered to make a graphic to use at the top of the page because that would give us more control over the text layout, font, etc.  It’s nothing super, but I was pleased with how it came out.  Bill – the guy who’s coming – said that he loved the page and felt that it makes him “look like a star” – his words.

So we had this long ass meeting on Thursday and my boss decided she’d just ask everyone for their input about the page and the flyer that B was working on.  The flyer is utter suck, or at least it was when I last saw it.  The new person on our team, S, looked at the web page and said my graphic is “hokey” – without knowing who had done it.  I went real quiet.

She’s had nothing to do with this entire endeavor.  If I had my way, she would continue to not have anything to do with it.  But she’s like this with pretty well everything.  She thinks she knows way more than any of the rest of us about damn near everything and she’s perfectly happy to tell you in great detail just how little you know.

I really pretty well wish she’d meet with some unfortunate act of god.

Anyway, I realized in class on Wednesday night that I have a little less than 2 weeks to get a rather large project done.  I need to take an existing paper and redo the layout in InDesign.  Not a big deal for me, I did this last summer and I already have some ideas for what I might do.  The problem is that the paper I’m using was written in 1999 and the only copy I have is in paper form.  Bound in a book.  It was my undergrad Honors thesis – 26 pages of pure gold.  But it needs to be scanned – one page at a time – and then converted into editable text.  That is precious time I really don’t have.

On the subject of school, I’ve decided that I will go ahead and take a class this summer.  Dr. B, the one who keeps torturing me, is offering “Teaching Technical Writing” in a 6-week session at the start of summer.  It goes from 4:30 – 7:50 on Monday and Wednesday, which I’m hoping won’t be too bad for me.  That should put me home by about 8:15 which will hopefully allow me to be asleep by 10.  I can do that.  It’s another brand new class, just like last summer, which I seem to find really fascinating.  And the university will pay for a total of 15 credit hours per year and all of my classes are only 3 hours each.  I can only take one class at a time because of my workload so unless there’s something else offered during a different session in the summer I’ll normally only use 9 per year.  Josh can use them, too, but he hasn’t shown any interest.

I have gotten all of my tax money back now, which has helped immensely.  I had some rather large medical crap this month because of starting over with health insurance deductibles and having to get both cats their shots and Evie her blood test.  I also managed to put $1000 on my one “real” credit card – in case I really do get sent on a trip for work – and I ordered a gorgeous new bed spread.  I need to look at money stuff today because I think Josh can finish paying off his back tuition, which means we should be able to get him back in classes next session.  That would help immensely.

wow, are we just now up to Valentine’s Day?  damn

I took yesterday off work to spend with Mom and the nieces.  E didn’t have school so Mom thought it would be fun if we had a little sleepover and then some craft time yesterday.




I love them dearly, but by the time the day was over, my patience was shot.  We did a little shopping as part of our day and at one point I had the little one with me in a market getting drinks and she grabbed her bottle of water and shot for the door.  I really did yell after her, “get back here, I put down a deposit on you!”  The guy ringing up my purchases thought that was hilarious.

Josh came through for me, though I honestly hadn’t expected anything.  I got a really lovely card, a box of chocolates, and a bottle of wine.  Nothing fancy or extravagant, which is really my style.

Today there are chores to be done, groceries to be gotten, finances to evaluate, Josh’s taxes to file, and plans to be made.  Guess I should hop to it.  I’ll do my best not to be gone so long next time.

let me esplain, no, there is no time, let me sum up

11 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

life, stress, work

What a fucking day.  I had to peel my contacts off my eyeballs this morning – I think they got left in 3 times the recommended length of time.  I was busy non-stop from the minute I walked in the door until the minute I left – an hour late.  I did a little bit of everything – except eat real meals until I got home and have time to knit.

I am all tuckered out.  So is Evie Cat.

nite-nite

nite-nite

very little time

10 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

knitting, life

It’s Monday, it’s cold, and I’m busy as hell.  But…

AWW YEA

AWW YEA

I wanted y’all to know that I managed to find a little time after dinner to knit.

🙂

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