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I’m really not even sure where to begin.  Looks like the last time I posted was Tuesday.  What’s happened since Tuesday…

Work got busy again.  Kind of feeling like it’s just never enough at that place.  I love what I do and I really enjoy working with most of the faculty, but the management in my department is pretty well just falling apart.  There seems to be no accountability and my “manager” has no business being in charge of people.  And the two people above her are apparently not all that concerned with our group.  Whatever, as long as someone makes sure I get a paycheck.

School Wednesday night was harsh.  This prof really has no fucking business teaching some of this stuff.  Maybe not any of it.  But when she tries to teach us the software portion – Dreamweaver, InDesign, and Photoshop – I actually have a better working knowledge of most of it than she does.  So anyway, we’re working with Dreamweaver (will be the rest of the semester I guess) and she’s trying to explain – AGAIN – how to setup the style sheets and build a basic page.  Um, sorry, but if they didn’t understand the way you presented it last week do you honestly think they’re going to get it this week with the same fucking explanation?

At any rate, we worked straight through the entire time (5:30 – 8:10) with no breaks.  Or I should say, I worked straight through, ignoring her the whole time.  I managed to get all of the pages for my site constructed and the text dumped in.  I still have a little formatting to do.  Our next project is a group collaboration doing essentially the same thing.  Yay.

Thursday was mostly nonexistent for me.  Josh and I got along until sometime in the evening when I asked him to promise not to drink Friday night while Mom and I went to the community playhouse.  That set off a shit storm that lasted all weekend.

So I was up late Friday night because of the musical we saw, which was phenomenal.  I got up early on Saturday to try to get some stuff done.  Had the kid all day.  Took all of us out for dinner at Olive Garden to celebrate her birthday.  Stayed up way too late because she and Josh spread her new Lego kit all over my bed and insisted on watching tv.  Mom had given Josh my dad’s old laptop to use for school and her old desk, both of which we moved down here during the day.  Josh took his Ambien and insisted on playing with the laptop.  And then proceeded to dump and entire glass full of the sweetened carbonated water stuff he was drinking in the keyboard.  He then closed the lid, left it running, and finally came to bed.

Do you feel bad for me yet?

So I didn’t get to go to bed Saturday night until around midnight.  Got up early – time change! – and looked at the laptop.  There was a band of condensation about 2.5″ wide all the way across the screen.  Before he took over Saturday night I had discovered an additional data drive I hadn’t realized was there which contains several years worth of photos of my nieces, photos that I’m not sure ever got backed up on the external drive.  I figured I’d just take care of it in the morning because I was tired.

Now do you feel bad for me?

Pretty much all I heard on Sunday was, “I’m sorry, it was an accident.  Can I kiss you?  That’ll make it better.”  No, just, just get the fuck away from me.

Take a plate and throw it on the ground.  What happens?

It breaks.

Apologize to the plate; tell it you’re sorry.  What happens?

It’s still broken.

And he hasn’t apologized to my mom.  It was her computer, the pictures that may be lost were of her husband and her grandchildren.  But he hasn’t apologized.  And my guess is that he won’t.

So after dinner I try talking to him, try getting him to tell me what’s wrong.  “I’m fine.”  Ok, then I guess I’m fine, too.  See you in the morning.  Wake up around 11 to use the bathroom.  He’s got his entire bottle of Ambien spread out on the bed in front on him; counting them.


I ask him what the fuck he’s doing.  “Counting my pills.  I combined two bottles so I need to know how many I have.”  You only take 2 a night, right?  “yeah”  Then as long as you have 2, you’re good.  Put the fucking pills away.  “what’s the big deal?”  The big deal is that the only real reason to count sleeping pills is to make sure you have enough to kill yourself.

Every time it got too quiet, I woke up and checked to see if he was breathing, just in case.

So this morning he gives me shit about staying in bed.  I tell him I didn’t sleep at all.  “I didn’t either, but I’m hauling my ass in to work.”  That’s real nice for you.  I have this stuff called vacation time and I fully intend to use 8 hours of it today.

I’m just really pretty sure that there will be very little higher cognitive function today.  I’m going to try to get my homework taken care of before my meeting with the prof tomorrow morning.  I’ll do my best to clean up the mess down here.  And then I’ll get to tackle the laptop and see if maybe I can resurrect it.  Josh is “promising” that he’ll be good to me.  I just wish his promises still meant something, but when someone constantly breaks their promises to you, it’s really just more empty words.