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Josh has Bipolar II. And maybe ADHD. But definitely Bipolar.

I have long suspected this, so in some ways it’s no surprise at all. But still, to hear a medical professional armed with a script pad tell you… It’s just different. It has to become Real. No, maybe REAL.

He starts Seroquel XR tomorrow night. He would have started tonight but our pharmacy was out of the 50mg pills. So he’ll start tomorrow.

He doesn’t want his family or his friends to know.

I get that, and yet, no.

He’s a much more private person than I am and he’s not at all close to his family. Out of respect for his privacy I haven’t said and won’t say anything to any of them.

But it makes me wonder. Is he ashamed of having a mental illness? Is he ashamed of having THIS mental illness? Is he ashamed of ME?

I know that the most important thing right now is getting him cared for. And I know that it takes time for something this life altering to sink in. All that really matters is making sure that we can both live the lives we want to, safely.

I hope that having been on the patient side of the equation for so long will help me handle my role on the caregiver side somewhat better.

If we don’t have hope, we don’t have anything.