If only it was that easy to be chipper and happy on a Monday morning. What I was unable to tell y’all about yesterday was the situation with Josh – because he was sitting virtually in my lap while I was trying to work. The saga begins thusly…
Saturday night, while cleaning out the fridge, Mom and I found some tiny bottles of wine she’d picked up awhile ago. She and Josh each had one. I’m not a big wine drinker so I passed. We all watched the movie and were all sleepy by the time it was over, around 10. I took my pills and was sleeping shortly thereafter. What I didn’t know was that Josh – who had already taken 150mg of Seroquel – also took 20mg of Ambien. With the wine.
That bastard didn’t get up yesterday until 12:30. It was well and truly all downhill from there.
I kept trying to get things done and he kept pouting (I have no clue about what) and acting like he had no idea what he was doing. For fuck sake, I make a to do list every week. It’s always in the same notebook. I always leave it open on my desk. I cross off the stuff I’ve done as I do it. My handwriting isn’t great, but it’s passable.
HE FUCKING KNOWS ALL OF THIS and yet yesterday we were evidently in some kind of Twilight Zone episode where nothing is at it appears.
I am SO not ready to deal with this shit today.
I did finally get one of my cow-orkers to show me how to fix my website problem. It was something I had kind of suspected might be wrong, but I didn’t know enough to feel comfortable fucking with it. So now that’s good and I figured out how to take that fix and apply it to my group thing and now that’s good. I still have plenty of shit to do, but now I can move forward instead of just beating my head against the wall. YAY!
Anyway, I’ve been at work since 6am. Josh and I never did really get anything worked out last night and so I slept like shit last night. When I did manage to drift off I would have very vivid dreams about all of the bullshit that’s been bothering me. At 5 I finally gave up and got ready for work. I’ve got plenty here to keep myself busy with.
Josh and I have had a very brief communication via text this morning and it’s not going any better than it did last night. But that’s fine. I’ve got therapy this afternoon and I am totally looking forward to it.
T-bone told me that the last time I saw him that the feelings I describe as having are what he’d consider “resentment” and it doesn’t usually take too long to move from “resentment” to “hate.” Yup, I can see that. And I’m starting to feel it. The scary part is that I can see those feelings building to the point where I can’t control them.
I am entirely too cute to fare well in prison.
I’m going to see how much of my ever growing to do lists here I can get done today. I need to be productive, it’s one of the surest ways to get my brain back on track. I’ll try to pop in after my appointment if I can. Y’all have a swell day.