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crazy friendsI’m relying on y’all today to keep my ass on the straight and narrow today

Do you ever wake up with that feeling that getting out of the bed was the easiest thing you’re going to do all fucking day, and that the rest of it will be an uphill climb? Yup, that’s where I am right now. THIS SUCKS.

chill the fuck outI’m trying, dude, really I am

An email came through at 7:30 from my least favorite cow-orker saying that one of her spawn has learned to ride a bike, but not well, so they’re off to the ER for x-rays. Ok, you have the kids so you have to take care of them. But for fuck’s sake, is it really normal for a kid that doesn’t ride a bike well to go off and try that early in the morning? This particular cow-orker tends to be absent from the office at LEAST one day a week. Whatevs…

lost my mindI’ll try to be good today, promise. It’s just hard sometimes. Being the delicate flower that I am, people expect certain things of me. Like not saying “fuck you” to everyone who calls, or pointing out precisely what an asshat that one fucking student worker is. No, I need to be a good kid, much as that sucks.

milk cartonI know, I used this one before, but today it’s even more applicable – D the Douche better watch his fucking back or he will end up wearing very fashionable shoes and spending some time at the river, capiche?

I should probably just go eat some breakfast, seeing as that’s about the most appropriate use for my mouth right now.

women dont fartnope, I fart