alcohol, bipolar disorder, depression, friends, life, limits, love, meds, mental health, mental illness, moods, motivation, random shit that falls out of my brain, school, sleep, stress, suicide, the world is full of fucking idiots, work
You’ll be pleased to know that this is not what’s really been going on, more just how I’ve been feeling lately. (and that picture is funny as fuck and now you’re singing the song in your head, I know you are) Kind of like a cross between “chewing gum on the bottom of your shoe” and “food poisoning from McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets” (that’s a true story actually, about the nuggets – I didn’t eat them for a solid 20 years).
Anyway, I’m not quite feeling like an utter mess anymore, just still not like the polished turd I normally am. (do I dare do a Google Image search for “polished turd?” sure…)
Things at work still mostly suck and I’m not really sure if that will get better or worse any time soon, or if it’ll stay the same. Gawd love consistency, I just wish it wasn’t that things have been so consistently shitty lately. I do have to say that I lost ANY remaining tatter of respect for S today when she tossed off a joke about the suicide hotline.
At any rate, I plan to get revenge when the time is right. My motto – “give ’em enough rope, let ’em hang themselves.” Works damn near every time.
And we’re getting busy, ridiculously busy. If I’m going to be providing y’all with the wit and wisdom that you’ve grown accustomed to, I’m going to have to schedule it ahead. There’s next to no time in my days anymore to do it on the fly, and that kind of sucks. I’m not sure when precisely I’ll be able to get back at it full-tilt, but hopefully soon. Josh goes to school on Tuesday and Thursday nights now so I have a bit of time between when he leaves and Mom gets home to tackle such things. Eventually I’d like to use that time to hit the treadmill, but not right now. My left leg is flaring up awful right now so there will be no extra ambulation in the near future.
Things with Josh are improving. Having bipolar and being married is hard. Having bipolar and being married to someone who also has bipolar is quite likely the definition of insanity.
We finally got to the point of being able to talk and get some things said which needed saying. Most importantly we remembered that we really do love each other and we choose to be together, not because we have to, but because we want to.
This really has nothing to do with anything, but I do wish the heat would kindly fuck off for a bit. The heat index (a “feels like” number consisting of some formula that involves the actual air temp and the humidity and is BIG SHIT in these parts) got close to 100F today I believe. I’m a fat little pale girl with curly hair who gets heat stroke incredibly easy. This kind of weather is damn near enough to put me in the ground. The only real upside this afternoon was that as I came around the corner onto our street I was greeted by the sight of several shirtless and very nicely toned and tanned young men taking down some trees in a neighbor’s yard.
There are some parts of summer in the Midwest that are good. Very Good.