Tags
anxiety, bipolar disorder, divorce, life, limits, love, mental health, mental illness, sick, sleep, the world is full of fucking idiots
Things are not really going well, and it makes me sad to say that. I had the worst weekend I’ve had in a very, VERY long time. Josh and I just couldn’t seem to get along to save our skins. I pulled out every skill I could muster to make things right again and was met with nothing but sarcasm and a thoroughly shitty attitude.
I pointed out to him that I only really get sick anymore when I’m stressed, and that the stress was very clearly coming from him.
“Go take another fucking pill then, I can’t tolerate you.”
In essence, everything since 4am on Saturday has been my fault. I’ve been picking on him. I’ve been a bitch. I’m intolerable. I haven’t done a single thing right.
I haven’t slept since Friday. I’ve been sick almost non-stop. My other leg is now flaring and I’m having to wear a support garment under my jeans just to keep the opening from draining too bad. And then this morning I didn’t pay close enough attention and poured sour milk all over my breakfast and didn’t realize it was sour until I’d finished it.
So the point I’m at right now with him is contempt. There is no love anymore. I am being decent to him purely because it requires less effort. I’ll say whatever hollow words the conversation requires to keep him from yelling at me again – it means nothing. But…
I’m not paying any of his bills anymore.
I’m not helping him with his school paperwork or getting registered for the next set of classes.
I’m not making any more sandwiches for his lunch.
I’m not folding or putting away any of his laundry.
I’m not picking up after him anymore. He’s a grown fucking man.
I’m not making any more of his medical appointments, including with his shrink.
When we first got married I would go through times when I didn’t think it would last at all. I’d get pissed about something, yell at him, he’d yell back, and we’d work things out. This is the longest things have been bad, and it’s been a very long time since we’ve had something escalate like this. But I’m done. I deserve better than this.
When he insisted on calling at lunch, at the end, he said some paltry thing about how he was sorry and things would be better. Had he said that shit Saturday morning, maybe I’d have believed him. But now, 2 days later – no, that is just more bullshit that means nothing coming from a man who has spent the entire weekend shitting on the best thing that ever happened to him (his words, not mine).
Mental in the Midwest 
Im really sorry things are going si sucky right now, my husband and I have definitely had moments like this, actually there was a time we spent years like this. Keep your head up, and if you ever need to talk you know where to find me.
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I hold no hope of it getting better this time. He’s proven over and over that he’s got no interest in making this actually work. And ya know, it’s alright. I’m stronger than this.
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Maybe if you show him you have no intention of putting up with his crap any longer he will change it. Sometimes all it takes is the real fear of losing someone to open another’s eyes.
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I’m a big believer in second chances, but that man has had a million second chances and still doesn’t seem to get that he will eventually run out of luck with me.
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Well you gotta do what you gotta do, I wish you the absolute best in whatever you decide, and will always have your back. š
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I’m liking this as a form of support- not because I like it’s contents. I don’t like those at all! Oh Mama, I wasn’t expecting to read this, I know you two have your ups and downs but I’ve always seen that as ‘normal’ (for want of a better word!). Keep your chin up honey and I pray that things get better for you. Much love and big hugs xxx xxx
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Thanks sweetie.
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that sucks and that “go take another fucking pill” comment he made is disgusting…
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Yup. I asked him what pill he was going to take. Evidently that wasn’t funny.
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Oh, that’s a good one! That’s something i would come up with later but never right at the necessary moment. Nice!
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Living with him has forced me to get really good at sarcastic comebacks.
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Just think, what you would say, if I told you this was happening to me. You’re right, you can’t let yourself get treated like this, you can’t afford to be sick (or deserve to be sick, for that matter), and you just deserve much better (especially when he’s going to throw your mental health in your face…that is bullshit and I might have slapped him myself when he said that, had I been there). Whatever you decide to do, whatever path you take, I’ll support you.
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I would LOVE to slap him, but he’s got no qualms about getting physical. He’s slammed me up against a wall before, a long time ago. If he ever gets physical again I’ll be calling the cops and pressing charges. But honestly, I know that getting violent with someone like him only brings me down to his level – and I’m not having that. I need to get myself to the place where I won’t try to get him back. I need to send him packing and then never give it a second thought.
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Ugh. He needs to grow up. Is there a pill for that? You do not deserve to be treated that way. NFW.
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No one deserves to be treated like this, particularly not for more than 4 years. In the beginning it was his nightly drunk fests and I’d tell myself, “if I can just get him to stop drinking, everything will be better.” Then he quit drinking and he was constantly moping about not having any marketable skills and I’d tell myself, “if I can just get him to go to school he’ll feel better about himself and everything will be better.” And ya know what I’ve come to realize? When you’re married to the King of the Douchebags, nothing is ever better.
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I’m sorry you are going through such a terrible time. It makes me sad, actually. I hope things work out for the best – whatever the best may mean.
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Thanks, Bradley.
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I’m sorry you’re going through all this. I know exactly how these kinds of fights go, unfortunately. Hang in there.
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Thanks hon.
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š¦ Relationships are a pain in the butt.
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They are, they really REALLY are.
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Wow, it kind of sounds like maybe he should be the one to take a pill. No one deserves to be treated that way, I really do hope you can work it out. Makes me sad. š¦
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Thanks. We talked some last night, but it didn’t really solve anything I don’t think. We’ll see how it goes, but I don’t hold much hope at this point.
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When he made the pill comment you should kicked him square in the fucking nuts and told him to grow another set. Men are generally assholes, I’m lucky on here I have only met the good kind :), the bad kind, yep a kick is the clinkers is an absolute must!
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And just to clarify, I mean the good kind of men, not assholes lol
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There are good men, there are bad men, and then there’s Josh. And I would love to get him the nuts – but I’m not sure where they’re at. I’m going to try to do a follow up about how things went last night here soon.
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Ugh! I’m so sorry you had such a shitty weekend. Go take another pill, indeed. That just really pisses me off.
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Yup, nothing like pushing the button you really shouldn’t EVER push with someone who has a mental illness. But that’s ok, he’s got 2 buttons left I’ve never pushed and I am getting really fucking close to hitting both of those sons of bitches at the same goddamn time.
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I’m sorry MM my heart goes out to you. I wish I knew what to say but maybe words wouldn’t be helpful anyway xo
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Just knowing that I have friends who care is more than enough right now. Thanks sweetie.
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Hugs MM.
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Thanks sweetie.
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I don’t like what’s happening at all, but I wanted to let you know that I’m here for you. I’ve had some crappy experiences and I know how hard it is to make this kind of decision. Long before I got to the word strong in this post, I was already thinking: She is strong, she can do what needs to be done. And you have tons of support here. There are some people who are crazy enough to say that our online friendships aren’t real, but they’re the crazy ones. I remember in one of my relationships, when I was asked if I was taking my meds. Pissed me off. You definitely deserve better!
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Thank you. I need to get myself to the point where I really am ready to have him gone for good. You’d think by now I’d have been there, but not yet. I can tell it’s getting close though. He keeps kissing me and I feel absolutely nothing.
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When you can track someone’s presence to increased incidence of illness, that’s a real good clue. But you will know when the time is right. I’m sure you have lots of friends, but if you need to talk, let me know. š
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I can’t hit the “like” button on this one. I’m so sorry. This has been building for some time and you have been good enuf to put up with it. enuf is enuf. You do have support and love coming your way. Strength is one of your assets and I know you will use it! Hugs!
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Yeah, been building since our second date. I was just too thick headed to see it. But hey, live and learn. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
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Hey. I usually read every couple of days and catch up, so I’m late to this. I hope you’re doing okay. I grew up in a family full of people that talked to each other the way he was talking to you. I don’t talk to them much now, and haven’t seen them in years. I’m not even angry — I’m just done.
You’re intelligent and talented, and I wish you all the best with whatever you decide is the best course of action. You deserve to be happy — especially because you’re working so hard at it.
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I am ok, thanks. I’m finally coming to realize what my reality really is right now, and that I don’t so much care for it. I’m not rushing into a decision, mostly because I’ve learned the hard way that big life decisions are usually better made with some thought and consideration. But I am doing things my way now, and that makes things entirely different.
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Ugh, that “Go take another fucking pill” thing is horrid. Especially considering he has those problems too.
I’ve had similar “fights” with my SO but I know he doesn’t get it (he doesnt suffer MH problems as such), and people say stupid things in the heat of the moment, but I always ask myself why because I don’t. I think a lot about what I say at every given point because I know in an argument anything I say could be used against me, kind of like if I was arrested lol.
You know I find if I start rowing with my SO, it’s usually because I’ve stopped being me for some reason, or stopped looking after number 1, or spent too much time with him when I NEED my alone time, which is especially important when you have a broken brain. So, if I was to give advice, it would be to do just that, and see how you feel in a week or two of taking care of yourself, making yourself happy and leave any decisions until then, when you’re likely to be less stressed out.
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I finally, FINALLY, threw the pill thing back in his face today. He had the nerve to tell me that I’ve been treating him with “barely disguised disgust.” Really? I’ve kissed you, told you I love you, been polite, been helpful, picked up your pills from the pharmacy, helped you register for classes – yes, yes indeed – I am a terrible person. I’ll just go take another pill and see if that helps me know how to behave.
For fuck sake…
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