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Yesterday was Saturday, right? Yes, it was. Mom and I got up and went to the farmer’s market that’s close to us to get some veg. I also got some more of the most amazing, though ridiculously overpriced, artisan goat cheese. Phenomenal. It’s lavender and candied ginger, and the texture is so smooth and the flavor so exquisitely mild.

Nothing like a food description from a fat girl, eh?

Anyway, then it was off for coffee and pedicures. Or maybe we got the coffee before the farmer’s market, I can’t remember. The important thing to know about the coffee is that I get mine without any real coffee content anymore. I get a large mocha smoothie with no espresso, which in English is a big cup of ice with some chocolate syrup, a little coffee flavored syrup, and milk, that gets thrown in the blender. And for this delicacy I get to fork over nearly $5. Coffee shops are a fucking racket.

Do not ask what I paid for the goat cheese.

Anyway, pedicures. For whatever dumbass reason I caved and got a manicure this time. I never get manicures. I kill them almost immediately. But my nails really did look like shit and why not have someone rub me in public and trim my disgusting cuticles?

We hadn’t even made it out the door when I fucked up the polish on the one thumb, trying to get out a smoke.

Classy, right?

At any rate, much of the rest of the day was a blur because some component in the coffee made me ill. Very ill.

We did manage to get the errands done without me shitting my pants, though I’m still not sure how. We went to the mall and got some candle stuff from Yankee, stopped at Bath & Body Works, and went to 3 different kiosks looking for a new cover for my goddamn phone. Please don’t suggest Amazon, we’re not talking right now. Their search engine fucking sucks. I found the PERFECT sugar skull iPad case right after I checked out – a case that did not come up when I was specifically looking for iPad cases that had skulls on them.

Lousy. Fucking. Bastards.

And Josh has the plague. Well, maybe not the plague, maybe more like The Plague, but who knows. He sneezes, blows his nose, coughs, and hawks up lung cookies near constantly. It is disgusting.

And of course he’s been kind enough to try passing it on to me, but I’m not having any part of it, mostly because there is next to nothing I can take over the counter to help with that bullshit. Trying to get by during a summer cold with just Vick’s Vaporub SUCKS ASS.

Mom and I have been cleaning stuff out again, too. Damn her fucking AARP magazine! There was an article this month from a professional organizer that had tips and stuff and then I told her I wanted to prune my closet a bit so that I could make room to hang some of the stuff that was folded, and that’s how lucky ol’ Josh found himself making multiple trips to the thrift shop, one with the back seats in the jeep laid down.

Good times.

I am beyond exhausted, I smell funny, and there are parts of me screaming from being abused – parts I didn’t even know existed until today. I was sitting on the floor, I was hip deep in cupboards, I was up on chairs. At one point I was ice skating on the mud in the yard while carrying a box of heavy grill parts to the trash. Amazingly enough I stayed upright, though how is sure one of jezuz’s most closely guarded secrets.

I’ve got one more assignment to do and turn in and then some videos to watch for school yet today, then I can play. I got an amazing new coloring book yesterday and I think I might like to knit. Just having the extra day will be lovely.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go see if I can’t scrub the stink off myself. Toodles!