I have mostly been chilling the fuck out today, which has been odd, but mostly more like “oddly awesome.” I ate some Ramen noodles on the sofa and watched more tv than I have in probably a month. Oh, and I made more headers so that they can rotate, but only because that damn Evil Squirrel told me to.
But anyway, this afternoon I watched the movie Girl, Interrupted for the first time in years. More precisely, I watched it for the first time since being diagnosed. There’s a subtle but very significant difference right there. See, I have Borderline Personality Disorder which is the diagnosis given to Susanna, the lead character. I also have Bipolar Disorder which is what Lisa is hinted to have. And now, knowing what I know about myself, that is an entirely different movie than the one I watched when it first came out.
It’s a very interesting movie, though I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to someone who has a mental health Dx as it could quite easily be triggering. If you haven’t seen it and you’re uncertain if you should, err on the side of caution and skip it. But if you know someone who doesn’t have a Dx and needs a bit of a reality check as to what it’s like being mental, that’s the flick for them to watch. In my opinion it’s the best contemporary depiction of mental health in the US, at least if you consider a story set in the Vietnam War era contemporary.
At any rate, I saw a lot of myself in Susanna and bits of myself in Lisa. What troubled me most was that at the end of the movie Susanna was deemed “healthy” and “cured” by the psychiatrist and therapist at the hospital she’d been living at. I had to keep reminding myself that most of the research into treatment for Borderline happened after the movie was set and times have changed dramatically since then.
For now, we can learn better ways to cope but we cannot be cured. And for me, for now, that’s alright.