end of January update

Tags

building a life worth living, getting creative, goals, life, money, moods, motivation, projects, random shit that falls out of my brain, sick, stress

I feel like garbage this morning, so if this makes no sense, blame the snot. I’m trying really hard not to throw up my meds.

A while back, December I think, I did an update on my Life Worth Living goals in which I let y’all in on how things were really going. One of the things I had decided was to add in this subset of goals/rules:

1. Fix things whenever possible instead of replacing – not everything has to be perfect – ugly but functional is just fine
2. Purging is not done to make room for new/different crap
3. If something new comes in, something old must leave
4. I will get a $25 monthly allowance that can be used for anything not deemed essential and/or otherwise already in the budget – can be saved to go towards a larger future purchase
5. I will look into ways to increase my Redbubble sales
6. I will look for other easy ways to bring in additional income
7. I will not buy any new clothes (except underwear as necessary)
8. I will not buy any new shoes (except one pair of inexpensive flip flops – less than $15)

I must say, not doing so well with this. I got new books last weekend and nothing old left and last night when Josh and I went to Sam’s Club I got a pair of purple capri pants. Both of these also violate the whole idea of having an allowance because I had already spent January’s money as well as February’s. In summation, I suck.

Moving on…

Deborah at Container Chronicles is doing a daily challenge for February that sounds amazing. It’s free-form so you can totally customize it for your own needs. The essence is that you take some larger project or goal and break it down into hour-long pieces that you do one of each of the 28 days of February. On Fridays you post an update and then on the 28th, we celebrate. Head over to her blog for the full details. I definitely want to do this, I just need to decide which project to focus on. Maybe setting up the Cafe Press store once and for all…

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meatball soup recipe

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recipes

I mentioned the other day (yesterday?) that I made a very easy and very tasty soup the other night. I was supposed to email it to Somber Scribbler, but my brain is mush, and then Mer asked about it so I’m just going to post it here in case anyone else is interested.

Meatball Soup

2 – 32oz cartons of beef stock

1 can white kidney beans, drained and rinsed

1 can chopped tomatoes, not drained

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 Tbsp dried basil

1 1/2 C frozen green beans (or mixed veggies if you prefer)

16oz frozen meatballs

1 C small pasta (I used orzo)

Dump everything except the pasta in a large Dutch oven or soup pot, bring to a boil. Add the pasta, lower heat to a simmer, cook 10 minutes.

DONE!

now let’s take a brief pause to hear from our sponsors

Tags

bipolar disorder, building a life worth living, getting creative, goals, kids, life, mental health, mental illness, money, moods, motivation, projects, random shit that falls out of my brain, sleep, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots

I think I mentioned earlier in the week that I’ve been having a wee bit of trouble with sleeping again. I don’t have too much trouble getting to sleep, but I wake up REALLY FUCKING EARLY. Sorry about that, but it happened again this morning. And since Josh goes to class on Thursday nights right now, I don’t get to sleep properly then and so to not fall asleep until close to 23:00 and then wake full up at 3:30 is just rather more than I can deal with right now.

So I got up and started fucking about with my drawings. I realized that since they start on paper and get scanned, they all have white backgrounds. Totally fine for cards and bags and posters and what not, but not so fine for a shirt in any color other than white. Slowly but surely I’m going through and removing the backgrounds from the digital images.

But before I embarked on that exciting journey I took care of one of my goals for the week by paying my bills. I’m being just a tiny bit devious this month. Josh got his student loan disbursement last week which means he’s actually flush right now, so I’m making him pay his own fucking medical bills this time. I paid all of my bills, plus the household bills that I take care of, plus the cat licenses, plus renewed my driver’s license, put $100 into savings, made a $500 payment on the not-car loan and a $250 payment on my one and only credit card, already mentally subtracted the two bills that will be automatically withdrawn later this month, spent my February allowance (pay it forward kids!), and paid Mom. The best part is that if I continue to be responsible with my money like this, I’ll be out of debt (except to Mom and the student loan vampires but including having the Honda paid off!) before the end of the year. That makes me so incredibly fucking happy, you just can’t imagine.

Anyway, I’m hoping that today stays this productive. I’ve got a lot I really want to get done and even more that absolutely must get done. Not having the kid this weekend will help. Oh, an update on that – Josh’s ex says the kid doesn’t have any new bites and the exterminator they called out wasn’t able to find any evidence that they really had an infestation. I’m glad, but I’m also kind of pissed that she scared the hell out of all of us for no damn reason.

shit I just do not understand

Tags

cooking is good for you, don't text and drive kids, drawing, getting creative, shit I don't get, sports fanatics, wherein mama bitches

I need to preface this by saying that if you find yourself doing any of these things or believing them, I’m not judging you. I really just don’t understand. Feel free to (politely) enlighten me. Honestly, that’s cool.

Sports Fanatics

The Super Bowl is this coming Sunday. People here are making a big ass fuss about it. Evidently more than a BILLION chicken wings will be consumed during the game.

SO WHAT? Grown men wearing what amounts to tights chasing each other for a ball – what about that makes sense??? I don’t follow any sport, even though the hockey team here at the university is allegedly quite good. I just don’t give a fuck. I have better things to spend my time and money on, thanks anyway.

Personal Scent Overloading

There’s an older woman who works here who constantly smells like a cheap French whorehouse. I really think she uses perfume like she should use water to wash the shit off with. TOO MUCH! One spritz is usually more than enough for me. And I’ve been with guys who did this, too. They seem to think that if one decent spritzing is good, dumping half the bottle on must certainly be better. And really, the perceived quality of the perfume has nothing to do with it. Too much stink is really just too much stink.

Eating “Out” Food Everyday

Lots of the people I work with do this, as does my sister. The people here tend to go either to the student union and buy something for lunch or go off campus to one of the gazillion restaurants in this area. My sister just rarely cooks, so unless Mom preps something for her, they tend to eat dinner out damn near every night.

WTF?

Don’t people realize how much money you can save by packing a lunch? Not to mention how much healthier you can eat without having to eat shitty health food like kale and mystery ingredient green smoothies?

Seriously, I don’t cook fancy and I prefer recipes that are billed as “one pot” or “30 minutes or less” or “even the dog could cook this and it’s also amazing!” I made a soup last night that was cooked in a single pot, took 30 minutes from start to finish, tasted great, and now today I’m going to eat some of the leftovers for lunch. BOOM!

Texting and Driving

This also includes “anything that’s distracting you from your primary purpose for being behind the wheel of a vehicle which really ought to be fucking DRIVING.” I’ve seen people eating food off plates, reading books while driving on the interstate, drinking liquor straight from the bottle, applying mascara (ffs, I can’t even do that while standing still in the bathroom!), smoking pot, knitting (once), and the ever popular texting and/or screwing around with the phone.

I keep my phone in the little console area of the jeep where it is easily accessible in case Mom needs to CALL me while I’m on the road. Truth be told, I’m not even all that fond of taking calls. But I only do it when necessary. If Josh texts me, I wait until I’m safely stopped at a red light to check it. He knows that if he needs me urgently he’s going to have to dial.

Sorry kids, there’s just nothing so important for me that it can’t wait just a few minutes.

Ok, enough of the bitching, time to show off a little…

I took a break from tech last night and got this finished. Mom picked out the colors since I made it with her in mind. I think it looks phenomenal. I’ll be uploading it to Redbubble and Cafe Press soon. This is my favorite drawing I’ve done so far.

if you see a little bunny and his nose is green and runny don’t think it’s funny cuz it’s snot

Tags

doodles, drawing will save my life, getting creative, goals, life, mental illness, motivation, my salmon and noodle casserole is the shit, random shit that falls out of my brain, recipes, school, zentangle doodles

That is sooo much funnier when you say it out loud to a little kid.

I am STILL fighting with the cold/flu/black plague that I caught over the holiday break. I haven’t had to take a decongestant more than a few times, and always at night, but I’m still running the humidifier by the bed and every morning in the shower I expectorate crap from my lungs. Before you blame my filthy little smoking habit you should know that it is a rare day indeed that I smoke more than 6 cigarettes. The worst part of all this is the utter lack of energy. By the time I get home from work and take care of the little household bits I’m pretty well spent. This is making getting homework and projects done quite difficult.

Doodling got me through class last night. That woman is pushing the limits of my meds, as they all seem to. Fortunately the little notebook I’m using has a light pattern of large diamonds on the pages that made a lovely backdrop for a little zentangle-ing. That and writing shitty notes to the prof in my notebook will get me through this. Well, that and the nice gal who sits next to me and the hip young gal that I smoke with.

I got the heart doodle outlines finished last night, but I had already turned off my phone so I didn’t take a pic. (does anyone else actually turn their phone off at night or am I the only one?) I thought maybe I’d start going over the outlines with black marker but by then my hands were not at all steady. Maybe tonight. I’m thinking it’s going to be amazing for on a t-shirt or something. And Mom wants it, too. It’s probably just me but I think it’s pretty fucking awesome.

And now for something completely different…

I’m still working on the whole simplifying business. I think I have entirely too many clothes. Josh argues that I am a woman who works in a professional field so I need a lot of clothes. I call bullshit on that. But right now doesn’t seem like a great time of year to be making too many decisions because the weather around here is utterly ridiculous. (but really, what the fuck does that have to do with anything?) I don’t want to get rid of things I’ll need when it really warms up but I don’t want to keep a bunch of shit I’ll never wear.

Stuck.

I’ve been reading all sorts of articles about people paring down and that inspires me but I’m still feeling the pull of consumerism. I still want to buy stuff even though I know that won’t make me happy and will likely make things even worse. And then I read this post this morning and was comforted to know I’m not alone.

Is anyone else trying to pare down or simplify this year? How’s it going for you? Do you have any tips or suggestions to share with the class?

And here’s where I change direction entirely. The recipe I mentioned the other day…

Salmon Noodle Casserole

4 C wide egg noodles

2 cans boneless/skinless salmon

2 cans cream of mushroom soup

1 can evaporated milk

1/2 C half & half

1 Tbsp dried minced onion

1 tsp seasoned salt

1/8 tsp coarse ground black pepper

1 1/2 C frozen peas

French Fried onions

Boil the noodles until tender, adding the peas during the last minute. Drain the salmon and flake. Combine all other ingredients except FF onions in a large covered casserole dish. Drain the noodles well when done boiling and add to the casserole along with the salmon. Stir well until everything is combined. Cover and bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Uncover, top with onions, and bake another 5 minutes.

ETA:  I forgot about the peas!!!

an update of sorts

Tags

doodling, getting creative, getting rid of shit I don't need, hibiclens cleansing ritual, my salmon and noodle casserole is the shit, school, simplifying, skin conditions, too much fucking coffee makes mama vibrate, uber pimples suck, zentangle doodles

Sixty-four ounces of iced coffee is probably too much.

My access card didn’t work again this morning, but today I was armed with the visitor code and the knowledge of which gate to use it on. I have since procured a new card, at no charge, and with a much better picture. Hopefully tomorrow morning it works.

I did get my homework done yesterday (did I already tell you that? can’t recall). This afternoon I think I’ll spend some time trying (TRYING) to work ahead a little.

I’ve managed to go through FB and unfollow several people/pages. It’s helped. I also went through both email accounts and cleaned things up. On a non-digital note, I got pissed at all the printed articles in my office not really being accessible in a useful way and set my file tree back up and put the whole mess in manilla folders.

Today was day two of the Great Hibiclens Cleansing Process. It’s a special high potency antibacterial liquid stuff that I’m supposed to use when my skin is acting up. It’s not really a big deal except that I’m supposed to leave it sit on my skin for 5 minutes which is just a tiny bit tricky while attempting to finish showering. Only five more days of this shit to go. Yay.

Anyone out there a fan of Tuna & Noodle Casserole? If so, I have a modified recipe for Salmon & Noodle Casserole that will knock your fucking socks off.

While looking for a stash of printer paper that evidently doesn’t exist I found the missing black coffee mug. In a file cabinet. And no, I didn’t put it there.

In my effort to relax last night I decided to doodle again.

Not done yet and still just in pencil, but I’m quite liking how this one is coming together. I couldn’t figure out how to finish the first one last night so I thought, what the fuck, I’ll just keep doodling. Totally loving the shit out of this stuff.

 

memo to self: don’t eat feta cheese whilst camped out in a small office

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drawing, I may well fart myself to death, limits, motivation, profs are proof of piled higher and deeper, projects, random shit that falls out of my brain, school, skin conditions, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots, work, zentangle experiments

FOR THE LOVE OF CAT, MAKE IT FUCKING STOP!!!

I got to work this morning, precisely on time, and my access card for the parking structure wouldn’t work. I managed to bend it kind of bad awhile ago, but it’s been working just fine. I tried both gates, no luck. So I thought, ya know, if they’ve fired my ass the card won’t work to get into the office suite. I drove around to the small metered lot in front, where were are forbidden to park, and brought my shit in. The bent card worked on the door just fine. But I couldn’t leave my jeep at the meters. The parking nazis start their rounds at 8 and those are hefty tickets.

Long story short, I finally got into the garage at 7:30 because I went and tried again and some nice lady behind me got out of her car and swiped her card so I could get in.

Then I was going to print all of the articles and book chapter shit that I need for the first part of the project that’s due tomorrow and I couldn’t print some of them because the fuckers were password protected. I went back out to the library site and looked everything up again, reopened the files, and picked out the pages I absolutely had to have. I finally got it all typed up, including all 11 of the references I currently have. At that point I went into the online course management server to see if she’d set up a link to turn them in that way – nope – but she did have something for a special grad assignment that I couldn’t find referenced anywhere else. So I sent her an email asking about it because the only sort of reference to a date is that it needs to be done prior to spring break which is mid March. Her reply was to not worry since it hasn’t been assigned yet. Um, yeah, NOT THE FUCKING POINT!!!

Anyway, I did get my first zentangle doodle thingy drawn last night.

It’s not great, but I don’t think it’s too shabby for a first shot. I’m not sure if I’m done adding patterns and pieces but it for sure needs some color. This was what I did last night after I took pills, so there’s two birds. This morning I did the necessary routine for my skin given that I’ve got major activity going on. And, just a few minutes ago I filled out the forms and junk for my student loan stuff. So yay, progress.

As for the title of today’s post – this will likely be TMI, but who cares. I absolutely LOVE feta cheese and I’ve been trying to eat a little healthier lately so I’ve been making myself Greek-inspired salads. So I don’t know for sure that it’s the feta or not, but I’m in my regular office today, the one with the complete lack of ventilation, and I am about to pass out from my own stench.

share your world – week #4

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share your world

I feel ever so slightly brain dead right now so having the opportunity to answer some pleasant questions is quite nice. There really is just nothing quite like arriving at work Monday morning and having your access card not work to get you into the parking structure – and not being able to “legally” park anywhere else on campus. Oy vey…

Where did you live at age five?  Is it the same place or town you live now?

Not only do I live in the same town, I live in the same house. The only difference is the small room that used to be my bedroom is now Mom’s office and I inhabit the beautifully redone basement.

You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you never met.  Would you attend this party if you were to go by yourself?

As long as I knew one other person who was going to be there, then yes, I would go. If not, as long as there was liquor available, then yes, I would go.

Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

That all depends on who you ask and whether or not you include the multitude of ‘burbs when you look at the population count. The neighborhood I grew up in used to be on the very outer edge and actually wasn’t considered part of the city until a few years ago. We are the largest city in NE and if Google is to be trusted we were ahead of Minneapolis in 2013 and not as far behind Denver as I would have thought. But yes, I like it here.

As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I’ve always wanted to be a teacher.

life worth living weekly update – January 25th

Tags

building a life worth living, DBT, getting creative, goals, health, school, stress management, taking charge of my finances

If you’re just joining me for the first time, I’ve got a list of 10 Major Goals I want to accomplish before I turn 40 in 2016. That’s what I refer to as my Life Worth Living; it’s a DBT thing. If you don’t want to stay stuck where you’ve been in life, you have to figure out where you want to go and what it would take to truly make your life worth living.

Every week I do a Creative, Stress Management, Health, Financial, and School goal that tie back to my Building a Life Worth Living project. I’ve also added a Simplifying goal that ties into my plan to declutter my life this year. Bit by bit I’m reaching for the stars.

Update from last week:

What a fucking week. I know I normally do this on Monday, but whatevs. I’m doing it and that’s just good enough for right now. If anyone smells bacon don’t get all excited, it’s just me – burnt extra crispy.

Creative – Keep working on the shrug. It would be great to get it halfway done. I don’t think I knit at all this week. Actually, I know I didn’t knit.

Stress Management – I need to get back into my routines, all of them. Pills, sleeping, hygiene, downtime, chores, homework time – ALL of them. Those routines are what save me from the chaos. AHAHAHAHA!!!

Health – Treadmill, 3x, at least 15 minutes each time. I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

Financial – I have a ridiculous amount of debt from the student loans I took out to pay for my Master’s degree, but they’re nice enough to let me adjust the amount of my monthly payments based on my income. Every year I have to provide them with my tax information so they can calculate the amount of the monthly payments for the coming year and since I’ve filed my taxes it’s time to take care of that. I have the papers I need (I think all of them) printed and ready, but I haven’t done a damn thing with them yet.

School – Scheduled readings, homework, and see if I can work ahead a little with the reading. Nope.

Simplifying – I’m going to try to hit Pinterest and Dropbox this week, like I had wanted to last week. Maybe I’ll have more luck. Finally, something I finished!

Knowing what I know now about how this class is likely going to kick my ass and that I’ve got to get my proposal submitted for the symposium by Friday, I’m going to take it easy this week.

Goals for this week:

Creative – Try making a zentangle.

Stress Management – My sleep is still all kinds of fucked up. I’ve been taking my pills on time and turning off the electronics, but then I haven’t exactly been relaxing after that. So I fall asleep, but I toss and turn and the quality of the sleep sucks and I end up waking up way too early.

Health – The hydradenitis on my legs is acting up again so it’s time to get back to doing all of things necessary to beat it back into submission.

Financial – Friday is payday, which means time to pay the bills. All things considered, I was extremely good with the money this month. I really do need to get the stuff for my student loan repayment crap taken care of as well. After all, it is another bill.

School – I really need to figure out how to get on top of the workload and stay on top of it. Granted, there were extenuating circumstances this weekend and the weekends are normally when I get most of my school work done. But I don’t want to put myself in a shit position like that again.

Simplifying – I need to finish going through FB and clearing out “likes” and “follows” for pages and groups I’m not really interested in anymore. I also need to make another quick pass through the folders in my email accounts and get rid of the crap.

 

 

we’re gonna need a LOT more tequila

Tags

kids, life, limits, mental health, mental illness, more chlorine in the gene pool, not interested in taking care of your bug-ridden child, sick, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots, this shit sucks, you did what you stupid cunt?

There are those who will tell you that god never gives you more than you can handle. Given the current state of things at Chez Mama I am left to make one of two conclusions…

1. This god fellow thinks I am much more of a badass than I think I am, OR
2. The bastard has gone on vacation

The household chores, with the exception of dusting, were done as of about 17:30. The kid is here this weekend and Josh got paid so we took a small trip to the bookstore. I really just should not be allowed to go anywhere but the grocery store apparently. I got 2 books and 2 CDs. But I digress.

When we got home Josh finished getting dinner together and we sat down to eat. He got a text message about halfway through, which is not terribly uncommon though frowned upon. (I just think it’s rude.) But he looked at the message, hit the screen so it would stay lit, and slid it over so I could read it – very unusual.

We found bedbugs in [the kid’s] mattress and bedding. You need to wash all of the clothes she has with her in really hot water. Oh, and everything cloth of yours that she’s touched.

Um, say again?

There’s very little love lost between me and this woman. We are friendly enough but I well and truly think she is the epitome of the phrase “fucking idiot.” The kid has bites all over her arms and face, but was told that she’s allergic to Asian Beetles and that’s what had been biting her.

So, she’s been sitting on my bed most of the afternoon and she rode in my jeep – with the cloth seats. Fortunately the bed has been made so I think all I’ll have to do is completely rewash all of the bedding. No clue about the jeep.

I still need to work on my project for school and help Mom with some stuff tomorrow. The good thing is that Josh has to have her over to her mom for another basketball game by 11:45, so they’ll have to leave by 11.

We all have our breaking points and I honestly think I’m hitting mine. This is just too much fucking stress and I’m going to snap.