anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, friends, life, love, meds, mental health, mental illness, moods, random shit that falls out of my brain, school, sex, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots, work
This is an email I sent to one of my very dear friends this morning. When I realized that I hadn’t posted yet today it struck me that I could probably tell y’all most of the same stuff and it would be totally appropriate. So here goes…
Wow, I have no fucking clue where I actually left off…
Ok, the appointment with my shrink on Monday went well. I was given the go-ahead to start tapering off the gabapentin (anxiety med). She says it kicks in within about 30 minutes and it’s got a super short half-life so I can treat it as a PRN. I only took 2 Monday night (usually do 3), none yesterday morning, 2 last night, and none this morning. So far so good. I considered taking 1 before class yesterday afternoon but didn’t and it turned out alright even though that was quite possibly THE most trying class session yet.
Note to self – don’t print assignments on both sides of the paper as it will confuse the prof and you’ll have to point out to her during the break that your bibliography was on the other side of the page. And sadly, I’m not kidding.
I got stuck working on a “group exercise” with quite possibly the most argumentative person I’ve ever met. We were supposed to fabricate a case study that could be used as part of a training session. It could be on anything, it didn’t have to tie in to anyone’s specific semester project. She argued with the rest of us about every goddamn suggestion we made. I finally got pissed and just commandeered that sinking ship and we did the case study about Josh’s utter inability to communicate effectively. (hello free therapy!) The totally bizarre thing is that she takes every possible opportunity to tell me how excited she is to see my finished project because I’m doing shit on designing job aids and she thinks that’s just super neato. WTF?
Anyway, I feel like mostly I’m doing ok with the med change, though I do seem to be more tired than usual. But it’s getting cold and gray and shitty as fuck here again, so I’m sure that doesn’t help. My back is starting to feel better thanks to Mr. Cutiepants Chiropractor. My foam roller jobbie to do the stretches should be here soon. And the leg stretches for my Achilles tendon are AMAZING. Love that dude.
Josh is kind of an ass but I’m really mostly used to that. Life goes on. He thinks he’s getting laid after work, I think he’s got a better chance of winning the lottery.
I threw two people under the bus yesterday (figuratively) and I’m waiting to see what the repercussions will be. They didn’t do their jobs and I had to clean up after them, something that happens quite frequently and I’m just tired of it. So I sent them both a shitty email, professionally shitty, and CC’d their bosses and my boss on it. I have enough of my own goddamn work to do.
At any rate, that’s me right now. Enough of a mess to feel like I still have a right to carry my “bat shit crazy and loving it” card but not so much so that I feel like I should be wearing my special white coat that makes me give myself bear hugs. So in other words, everything is normal.